Quiz - Are you a Conspiracy Theorist?

[Sol]

The great big alphabet companies will probably track your results but what's life without a little risk?


Are You a Conspiracy Theorist? Take The Test



My results are quite accurate, I think.

2.3 to 3.2. Borderline case. You have an interest in alternative explanations. You are out of the mainstream, but America is still a free country, right?

As for that last question..errr...no. Nowhere close to what it used to be. But what do I know, I'm Canadian !







Are YOU a Conspiracy Theorist?


.

[Minstrel]

Because of the crappy possible answers, I got a 3.33333333335...
Meaning - Definitely a conspiracy theorist.

Suggestions for Consideration (therapy):
1. I should go outside more often.
2. Twinkies & Oreos are not manna from Heaven.
3. JFK will forgive me for not pursuing his real killers with greater gusto.
4. The Moon is just the Moon.
5. The MSM is all there is or should be...for news.
6. Airplanes fall from the skies (and/or disappear) with some regularity.
7. Take some more pills --- what you're on is obviously not working.
8. If Aliens were real, the government would have told us, long ago.

Aaacchhhttt - Wish I had a spittoon.

[BIAD]

It's said I'm borderline.

But that may come down to the fact that when I asked the CIA to contribute to
the cost of a water tower and high-powered rifle, they said they couldn't help
because most of their funds were tied-up in settling a community on Mars.

'Fingers in every pie'...?! Obviously not.

[perfectinsanity]

Couldnt copy and paste it on my phone but i got - 4.666666666667 with probably more 6's but i cant count that many without my glasses on. Ha! 

So yes definitely a conspiracy theorist. Not at all surprising haha! 

Cool quiz :)

[BIAD]

If In Doubt, There's another test. (Forgive me Sol!)

(written to apply for a job at an American webzine)
CONSPIRACY THEORY TEST

How receptive are you to conspiracy theories?
Do you believe what you read in the papers or do you prefer to get your facts from the internet?
Is the truth Out There or in a secret file somewhere? Is the real story there for all to see or known
only to a shadowy cabal?

Do you swallow everything you're told or do you think They are out to get you? And who do you think
They are anyway?
Take our Conspiracy Theory test and find out.
First, we need a little information about you for our files.

What's your name? 
What's your e-mail address? 

Take the quiz
Was that your REAL name and e-mail address?
Yes 
No 
Could be

SECTION ONE: BASICS

JFK
1. Who killed JFK?

 Oswald acting alone 
 A conspiracy of Cuban emigres, rogue CIA elements and P2 masons 
 That Zapruder man - a camera would be a good place to conceal a weapon 
 Who cares? He killed Marilyn 
 Only a fool imagines JFK is dead

ROSWELL

2. What's the story with Roswell?

 Imaginative hicks creating a tourist industry 
 Cover-up of aliens crash-landing 
 The military testing pioneering stealth technology 
 I haven't been watching it - not as good as Buffy

SECTION TWO: POWER

3. Who controls the world?
We the people 
Multinationals 
The Illuminati 
The Jews 
The Freemasons 
The Catholics 
The Amish 
Aliens 
My wife, as far as I'm concerned

4. What do They aim to do with their power?

Just keep things pottering along pretty much as they have been 
Turn the world into a prison 
Implant microchips in our heads 
Implant alien embryos in our bodies 
Persecute ME personally and put their thoughts in my mind 
Make us worship Satan/Cthulhu 
Use it to get the best tables in restaurants and tickets to hit shows 
Make me redecorate the bathroom, take the garbage out and be nice
to her mother

SECTION THREE

YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER
5. Is your social security number

A necessary means to an efficient social welfare net? 
An unwarrantable intrusion of government into private life? 
The fulfillment of that bit in the Book of Revelations about the Mark of the Beast? 
The alien equivalent of a 'Best Consumed Before' date?

FLUORIDATED WATER

6. Is fluoridated water

Good on health grounds? 
Bad on health grounds? 
A Communist conspiracy to sap our moral and physical strength? 
The alien equivalent of artificial flavouring?

CROP CIRCLES

7. What is your opinion on crop circles?

Just something they do to pass the time in places without bars and nightclubs 
Messages from a sinister alien intelligence that communicates by mathematical
abstractions 
Make pretty album covers for bands like R.E.M. 
The military testing a stealth combine harvester

CATTLE MUTILATION

8. What is your opinion on cattle mutilations?

Something else they do to pass the time in places without bars and nightclubs 
Messages from a sinister alien intelligence that communicates by being mean to cows 
Make pretty album covers for bands like Megadeth 
The military testing a stealth combine harvester that got a bit out of control

SECTION FOUR: MEDIA

NEWSPAPERS AND TV
9. Who controls what gets into the newspapers and TV?

Right-wing proprietors 
Left-wing media liberals 
A little-known organization called Bureau X, which has outposts on seven continents and
the tenth planet of the solar system

MICROSOFT

10. What is your opinion of Bill Gates?

Geek-boy made good 
A hero of free enterprise, and rock n' roll and urgent sweaty sex personified 
Megalomaniac wannabe Bond-villain who sells your private surfing information to the government 
Actually a hairless alien freak from an advanced civilization who is running a high-tech patents scam
like David Bowie in 'The Man Who Fell To Earth' inorder to buy up all Earth's water for his dying planet

THE X-FILES

11. While watching an episode of 'The X-Files', you are most likely to think:

It's a shame those two don't get along 
Why do I watch this crap? 
Why does my geeky boyfriend make me watch this crap? 
At last, a programme that tells it like it is 
They look Jewish. Everyone in TV is Jewish 
I was the one who had the idea for this show, but the producers stole it from my brain while I slept.
-I must never sleep again

THE MATRIX

12. What was your reaction to the film 'The Matrix'?

Keanu/the ass-kicking babe is hot 
I just know that at the end of the film my geeky boyfriend is going to say, 'Hey! What if we really
ARE in a Matrix?' 
At last, a film that tells it like it is 
I bet Keanu is Jewish. Everyone in movies is Jewish

SECTION FIVE: HISTORICAL

THE GREAT PYRAMIDS OF EGYPT
13. Who built the pyramids?

 Aliens 
The kind of work-proud contractors you just can't find these days 
Who cares? They're made of polystyrene anyway

SHAKESPEARE

14. Who wrote the plays of Shakespeare?

Shakespeare 
Bacon 
De Vere 
Wilhelmina Shakespeare, a female victim of a white male conspiracy 
They will be written by a time-traveller

JACK THE RIPPER

15. Who was Jack the Ripper and why did he kill?

An anonymous gentleman, probably a surgeon, warped by the repressed sexuality of the era 
An alien, to feed on psychic energy 
A member of the Royal Family, possibly the Prince of Wales, to feed on psychic energy, because
the British royal family are all aliens (look at Charles' ears for God's sake)

THE GULF WAR

16. Was the Gulf War:

A necessary intervention to uphold democracy and safeguard strategic interests? 
A neo-colonialist outrage by the capitalist conspiracy in which the lives of the proletariat
were sacrificed to defend oil profits? 
Shot in the same studios where they faked the Moon Landing and the Holocaust?

SECTION SIX
SENSITIVITY TO SUBLIMINAL BRAINWASHING

17. What is a fnord?
 A Norwegian inlet 
An invisible hypnotic command word used by our secret rulers to provoke instinctive unease 
What is a what? I didn't see anything. It just said, 'What is a ' and then nothing.
-There's a bit missing. I feel uneasy.

18. What's wrong with the following passage?

'I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all.
Thousands of little kids, and YOU nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me.
And I'm standing on MUST the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch
everybody if they start KILL to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look
where they're going I have JOHN to come out from somewhere and catch them.
That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all.
I know it's LENNON crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's crazy.'

Nothing much 
It's full of adolescent self-pity 
You didn't ask J.D. Salinger for permission to quote it 
I can't obey it as Lennon is already dead

SECTION SEVEN
YOUR GENERAL LEVEL OF PARANOIA

19. Your mother pays you a surprise visit.
Do you:
Welcome her in, hug her, fix her a drink, etc? 
Ask her if she's alone? 
Get your alleged 'mother' in a headlock, stick a gun in her mouth and threaten to blow her
head off unless she recites her maiden name and birthdate backwards in the next ten seconds? 
Blow her head off on general principles - your real mother knows better than to visit without giving
the pre-arranged code signal? 
Chloroform her and trepan her skull to search for alien implants?

20. You're at a party and an attractive member of the opposite sex asks you for your phone number.
Do you:
Give it to them? 
Give them a false one? 
Punch them in the face, leave the party quickly, change taxis twice on the way home, burn your house
down and move to another country? 
Go along with it in the hope they'll have sex with you, then blow their head off before they can betray you? 
Get them blind drunk and trepan their skull to search for alien implants?

SECTION EIGHT
ADVANCED NUTTINESS

21. Have you ever dismantled your toaster to search for surveillance devices?
Yes 
No 
No, but I'm careful only to voice bland, happy sentiments when near it 
Only a fool imagines toasters aren't sentient lifeforms

22. Take a long, close look at your socks. How sure are you that they're the exact
same pair you put on this morning and that no-one's replaced them with a different
but similar pair at some point?

 100% sure 
 90% sure 
 Not at all sure, now that you mention it 
 I'm alarmed that you know I'm wearing socks 
 I'm not wearing socks as they're a government plot to stifle your chakras or something

SCORES

[Note to editors: I've assigned numerical values to the various responses but have no idea
how to make them add up using HTML]

YOUR CONSPIRACY THEORY RECEPTIVITY RATING:

-0 - 35 LOW
35 - 70 MIDDLING
Over 70 HIGH

HOW YOU RATE:

LOW - A bit complacent, aren't you?
All is for the best in the best of all possible worlds, hmm? What you don't know can't hurt you.
Ignorance is bliss. It won't save you.
People like you will be the first against the wall when it all goes down.

MIDDLING - More savvy. Your eyes are open to the nature of the beast, but you like to weigh
up all the evidence rather than making rash uninformed pronouncements. It still won't save you.

HIGH - You are a lunatic. Unfortunately, you are right. Just because you're paranoid doesn't
mean they're not after you. Speaking of which, our government controllers tracked your terminal
some time ago. Expect a call from men in black.

SOURCE:

[DuckforcoveR]

@BIAD - I like that one. The questions are more along the lines of what I was expecting. I took the first one and got a 2.8  

Looks like it's time to hang up Mr. Shiney

[BIAD]

Looks like it's time to hang up Mr. Shiney

That's what THEY want you to do.

[Sol]

I much prefer your quiz, BIAD.

On that first one I scored 2.86666 which is quite accurate but only because of the choice of answers. Had they given more precise answers to choose from, it would have been higher than that, no doubt.

Or maybe I'm just being more reasonable (no, not submissive) with age.

You quiz made me laugh...with subtle (okay, not so subtle) truths...

A member of the Royal Family, possibly the Prince of Wales, to feed on psychic energy, because
the British royal family are all aliens (look at Charles' ears for God's sake)

Laughing about it is a good thing as we should all be going insane to accept the world that we now live in.

[Mystic Wanderer]

I don't even have to take a quiz to KNOW that I am a "critical thinker"... AKA, conspiracy theorist... and proud of it!  

I mean, where would the world be today if no one ever questioned anything those in power do? 

We would all be micro-chipped by now and walking around like zombies obeying their commands when we got zapped by the ELF technology waves.

Yes, that's where we are headed now, but it's the conspiracy minds that have slowed down the progress long enough to expose the "evil ones" and wake others up to what is REALLY going on.  Hopefully, it will be the Conspiracy Theorists that save the world from being taken over by the psychopaths that want to turn us into mindless slaves!    


See?  I told you I didn't need the test.

[senona]

Couldnt copy and paste it on my phone but i got - 4.666666666667 with probably more 6's but i cant count that many without my glasses on. Ha! 

So yes definitely a conspiracy theorist. Not at all surprising haha! 

Cool quiz :)

Nah, you don't say? 

Why am I not surprised 



Okay, my turn
I've already posted enough "trigger" words lately, what is a little conspiracy test gonna hurt?

[senona]

2.3 to 3.2. Borderline case. You have an interest in alternative explanations. You are out of the mainstream, but America is still a free country, right?

Huh, not as bad as I thought.




Now as for @perfectinsanity, with her score....and we might as well put @"mystic wanderer" in there too
Although MW would probably "break" the test, make it crash or summtin'

4. to 5. Paranoid Conspiracy Theorist! Bona fide tinfoil hat wearer! You are compulsively attracted to comprehensive conspiracy theories that try to explain the seemingly random violence in the world.

[guohua]

I need one of those Hats,,, but first, I need to dismantle it and check for Alien Tracking Device's. 

[perfectinsanity]

I need one of those Hats,,, but first, I need to dismantle it and check for Alien Tracking Device's. 

Im wondering if bedazzling it will decrease its protection? I think it would look alot prettier blinged up! Haha.

[Pennylemon]

I need one of those Hats,,, but first, I need to dismantle it and check for Alien Tracking Device's. 

Im wondering if bedazzling it will decrease its protection? I think it would look alot prettier blinged up! Haha.

I've got to go with my gut here and say that a little bejeweling would only enhance the protective qualities of any tinfoil "project". It could also be used to temporarily blind your enemies in case of attack and to start a fire after a daring and fabulous escape :)

[perfectinsanity]

I need one of those Hats,,, but first, I need to dismantle it and check for Alien Tracking Device's. 

Im wondering if bedazzling it will decrease its protection? I think it would look alot prettier blinged up! Haha.

I've got to go with my gut here and say that a little bejeweling would only enhance the protective qualities of any tinfoil "project". It could also be used to temporarily blind your enemies in case of attack and to start a fire after a daring and fabulous escape :)

I think you are on to something there, this could even be a good business opportunity! My mind is flooding with ideas now! Haha.