Well, it's been a harrowing evening to say the least! Just as the last of the daylight left the garden and the eager
children of the estate trotted past in pursuit of tooth-cavity-making Halloween candy, Boy In A Dress and I waited
beside his little shed for what might arrive through the ever-thickening gloom. The clown mask he was wearing had
now slipped down to hide his overtly-exposed cleavage and I'd discarded the sweaty rubber Wolfman mask some time
before. I guess there's something for small mercies.
"Don't be afraid..." BIAD huskily whispered as I adjusted the grip of my crudely sharpened stake and peered around
nervously. "...They'll come from the south-west, they always do" he added and offered a reassuring smile that reminded
me why I hate horror movies.
As a lamp flicked on in my lounge and my wife waved from the window, I nodded my faux-confidence to her and returned
to scanning the dark for BIAD's annual attack of Furies. My vigilance wasn't needed for long as the Man-Girl pointed a red
-nailed finger towards a black blob moving quickly under the dull-grey clouds. "If you need to clench, now is the time" the
determined androgyne hissed sarcastically from the side of his mouth and dug his stiletto heels into the beach-cobble.
Screaming and laughing, they came. Three horrid leathery things on wings that resembled damaged umbrellas and grasping
claws that sought purchase on my bare-thighed lodger of my shed. BIAD yelled something with 'Mutha' in it, but I'd wager he
wasn't stating that one of the Flapping Furies was someone who had reared him.
Twice, the raging Man-Girl was picked up from the ground by his dress-straps, his confusing physical attributes bare for all
to see. I swallowed my fear and yanked on BIAD's legs until the frightful creature released his garment and we both tumbled
back to the smooth stones of the garden. Akimbo would be the correct descriptive.
When the featureless gynandromorph eventually succeeded in jamming his wooden stave into the chest of one of the winged
ogres, I felt a faint sense of pride for my strange friend and relief that we might actually survive this night. Alas, BIAD's sneer
of "eat that you bugger!" seemed to fail as an heroic quote that may one day be written down on a parchment listing champions
who never sport underwear.
But on and on we fought, my arms ached from weakly swinging my only weapon and my eyes hurting from occasionally glimpsing
Boy In A Dress' exposed one. This wasn't like the game of cricket where one could stop for tea or Pong, where the score doesn't
mean much... this was war.
Finally, as if a silent agreement passed between the trio of Furies, they called it a night and left. Their adversaries left kneeling
in the garden pretending not to breath too hard and yet, smiling in the dark at each other. "I suppose a mug of coffee's out of
the question?" BIAD quipped and patting his sweat-sheened shoulder, I nodded and softly advised him to straighten his dress.
After all, there's only so much horror I can withstand.
children of the estate trotted past in pursuit of tooth-cavity-making Halloween candy, Boy In A Dress and I waited
beside his little shed for what might arrive through the ever-thickening gloom. The clown mask he was wearing had
now slipped down to hide his overtly-exposed cleavage and I'd discarded the sweaty rubber Wolfman mask some time
before. I guess there's something for small mercies.
"Don't be afraid..." BIAD huskily whispered as I adjusted the grip of my crudely sharpened stake and peered around
nervously. "...They'll come from the south-west, they always do" he added and offered a reassuring smile that reminded
me why I hate horror movies.
As a lamp flicked on in my lounge and my wife waved from the window, I nodded my faux-confidence to her and returned
to scanning the dark for BIAD's annual attack of Furies. My vigilance wasn't needed for long as the Man-Girl pointed a red
-nailed finger towards a black blob moving quickly under the dull-grey clouds. "If you need to clench, now is the time" the
determined androgyne hissed sarcastically from the side of his mouth and dug his stiletto heels into the beach-cobble.
Screaming and laughing, they came. Three horrid leathery things on wings that resembled damaged umbrellas and grasping
claws that sought purchase on my bare-thighed lodger of my shed. BIAD yelled something with 'Mutha' in it, but I'd wager he
wasn't stating that one of the Flapping Furies was someone who had reared him.
Twice, the raging Man-Girl was picked up from the ground by his dress-straps, his confusing physical attributes bare for all
to see. I swallowed my fear and yanked on BIAD's legs until the frightful creature released his garment and we both tumbled
back to the smooth stones of the garden. Akimbo would be the correct descriptive.
When the featureless gynandromorph eventually succeeded in jamming his wooden stave into the chest of one of the winged
ogres, I felt a faint sense of pride for my strange friend and relief that we might actually survive this night. Alas, BIAD's sneer
of "eat that you bugger!" seemed to fail as an heroic quote that may one day be written down on a parchment listing champions
who never sport underwear.
But on and on we fought, my arms ached from weakly swinging my only weapon and my eyes hurting from occasionally glimpsing
Boy In A Dress' exposed one. This wasn't like the game of cricket where one could stop for tea or Pong, where the score doesn't
mean much... this was war.
Finally, as if a silent agreement passed between the trio of Furies, they called it a night and left. Their adversaries left kneeling
in the garden pretending not to breath too hard and yet, smiling in the dark at each other. "I suppose a mug of coffee's out of
the question?" BIAD quipped and patting his sweat-sheened shoulder, I nodded and softly advised him to straighten his dress.
After all, there's only so much horror I can withstand.
Edith Head Gives Good Wardrobe.