(10-17-2022, 04:18 AM)Freija Wrote: Talking about this has been cathartic in some ways. Thanks for letting me get it out of my system.
No problem. vent away. My two cents worth - and that is about all it's worth - is to be happy she's mending fences, and is ABLE to mend fences, with her biological ma. You'll always have a place in her heart, but it sounds like there is something she needs to concentrate on just now.
My son's ma died when he was 11, and I raised him the rest of the way to adulthood myself. He's not able to mend fences with his ma, because of death getting in the way and all. Probably the saddest thing I've ever heard was when he told me he couldn't remember her any more. Damn near broke my heart. I mean, we didn't get along well for most of the time she was living, but damn, that was his MA! Despite our differences, I never talked trash about her to him, because that would have been the same as trashing HIM - that was his mom. So what I did was go through thousands of photos and make him a digital scrapbook to remember her with.
He's married into a much nicer family than me now, and I'm glad for him. Even at that, there are just some problems he faces in life where he has to come looking for me to get a grip on. Your daughter will, too. You've not been replaced, she has just widened her support base, and there is nothing wrong with that. It might be a better tack to let her know, somehow, that it's ok and you don't feel threatened (even if you do - it will eventually pass) so that she doesn't feel a need to try to hide that relationship from you. That's what I did, and it's worked for me.
Be forewarned - if she gets the notion that there is not any subject she cannot breach with you, as my son has, there will be times that your blood will either curdle or boil... just never let on that it is, so she doesn't shut you out again,
Quote:I'm even happier learning a little bit ago that my ex-hubby is coming over tomorrow and taking me to the store to get a new battery for my car. Now if I can just get him to pay for it too! Lol
Just turn on the charm and appear helpless - he'll cave, melt, and then foot the bill. Works every time. Take That from a man. We're vulnerable like that. Women want to be WANTED, but men need to be NEEDED. It's our weakness. Some of us have superpowers, but all of us have superweaknesses!
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Diogenes was eating bread and lentils for supper. He was seen by the philosopher Aristippus, who lived comfortably by flattering the king.
Said Aristippus, ‘If you would learn to be subservient to the king you would not have to live on lentils.’ Said Diogenes, ‘Learn to live on lentils and you will not have to be subservient to the king.’
Said Aristippus, ‘If you would learn to be subservient to the king you would not have to live on lentils.’ Said Diogenes, ‘Learn to live on lentils and you will not have to be subservient to the king.’