03-25-2018, 02:55 PM
Hello all. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the warm messages during all of this. There is nothing in my life that’s come close to the emptiness right now but I just need to focus on filling it back up with positive experiences and memories. The last 2 weeks I’ve basically beat down grief and sadness thinking “I have to stay strong for my kids, wife, sisters, work, etc.” and I’m fairly certain that’s not the healthiest way of doing things. Time will tell, but I’m sure it’s going to come out at some point.
It’s also a good lesson of “be careful what you wish for”, one of those “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!” scenarios. In 2001 after school, it seemed like 2 times a year my friends and classmates were dropping like flies. I went to maybe a dozen funerals in 5 years (graduating class was only 75 people) and it took an emotional toll. I buried that as well (by going to work, it’s what dad did so why not me?) but every time I picked up the phone to my mom saying “Honey, I have some bad news” my heart would race with that fear of “who now? Dad?!”
I made my mom promise me that no matter what, nobody is to call me and break the news about dad over the phone. It was a fear that I had for years, thinking I would be at the store and a random call would shatter everything (while I’m in front of everybody).
Well, the universe listened, I didn’t have to find out from a phone call…
But with that said, this is something we all have to deal with eventually. I got to talk to all of my dad’s friends at the funeral (even the ones from the 70’s – those were some great stories!) and it made me realize that this is the way it’s supposed to be. Some of his friends came close to burying their children (and some did): cancer, accidents, etc. Children are supposed to bury their parents and in that respect, I am fortunate (and so was my dad) that all of his children and grandchildren were gathered last Sunday to say goodbye to him.
My dad had really bad scoliosis his whole life. Doctor’s told him he wouldn’t live past 30 (he passed away at 2 months shy of 60) so he beat the odds his entire life. But because of his back, he was always fearful that his spine would twist too far one day and he’d be paralyzed. This led to more than a few nights were I was having a few with dad and he made me promise to hire a hitman if he was ever bedridden so that “nobody needs to come wipe me every day”. He was stubborn until the end.
I went on a bit long there, sorry, it’s comforting to write. But thank you all again, it means the world to me to have people help me through this. Some day I’ll do a world tour on my Cessna and thank you all in person over a Pabst (note – I don’t own a Cessna
)
It’s also a good lesson of “be careful what you wish for”, one of those “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!” scenarios. In 2001 after school, it seemed like 2 times a year my friends and classmates were dropping like flies. I went to maybe a dozen funerals in 5 years (graduating class was only 75 people) and it took an emotional toll. I buried that as well (by going to work, it’s what dad did so why not me?) but every time I picked up the phone to my mom saying “Honey, I have some bad news” my heart would race with that fear of “who now? Dad?!”
I made my mom promise me that no matter what, nobody is to call me and break the news about dad over the phone. It was a fear that I had for years, thinking I would be at the store and a random call would shatter everything (while I’m in front of everybody).
Well, the universe listened, I didn’t have to find out from a phone call…
But with that said, this is something we all have to deal with eventually. I got to talk to all of my dad’s friends at the funeral (even the ones from the 70’s – those were some great stories!) and it made me realize that this is the way it’s supposed to be. Some of his friends came close to burying their children (and some did): cancer, accidents, etc. Children are supposed to bury their parents and in that respect, I am fortunate (and so was my dad) that all of his children and grandchildren were gathered last Sunday to say goodbye to him.
My dad had really bad scoliosis his whole life. Doctor’s told him he wouldn’t live past 30 (he passed away at 2 months shy of 60) so he beat the odds his entire life. But because of his back, he was always fearful that his spine would twist too far one day and he’d be paralyzed. This led to more than a few nights were I was having a few with dad and he made me promise to hire a hitman if he was ever bedridden so that “nobody needs to come wipe me every day”. He was stubborn until the end.
I went on a bit long there, sorry, it’s comforting to write. But thank you all again, it means the world to me to have people help me through this. Some day I’ll do a world tour on my Cessna and thank you all in person over a Pabst (note – I don’t own a Cessna
)