Dumbest Crooks Thread

[Mystic Wanderer]

I thought we had a thread about some of the dumbest crooks, but I couldn't find it, so I'll just leave this here.    

Two men arrested for trying to steal power pole

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. - Two men were arrested in Jacksonville for trying to strapping a power utility pole onto the top of their car and trying to make off with it.

The Jacksonville Sheriff's Department Tweeted a photo of the shirtless men handcuffed and sitting on the curb next to their vehicle with a giant pole attached to the top.

These two were caught stealing a JEA pole just this morning! Citizens watching out and officers cleaning up = partnership! #Irma #JSO pic.twitter.com/q6VKOvPKuU
— Jax Sheriff's Office (@JSOPIO) September 13, 2017

"These two were caught stealing a JEA pole just this morning! Citzens watching out and officers cleaning up = partnership!" Tweeted the sheriff's office.
Action News Jacksonville is working to learn more about what charges they will face.

Source

I mean, really?  A metal power pole on top of your car, and you think you won't be noticed?    

Do you have any "dumbest criminals" stories to share?

[BIAD]

There's an elderly man who lives across from where I live and the retirement bungalows -one which
he lives in, backs out to a dog-walking grassy area and a river.
The countryside awaits on the other side of the river and ergo, there's no street lighting or illumination
whatsoever.

I've known this chap for most of my life because he also lived in another area I grew up in and one thing
I and my friends learned early on was that you don't climb over his fence to steal from his apple tree because
he owned two dogs.
Two big, nasty German shepherds, one jet black and one white as snow.

You never saw him walk them in the fields like others and they were never seen at the windows. They didn't
bark when somebody passed the house and in fact, all we knew of them was that they growled before they
tore the back of your pants off during an escape.

They became mysterious beasts that licked their lips at night and dreamed about trespassing children.

Time moves on.
The man is old now and before the death of his wife, he and she enjoyed their new home and occasionally
went old-time ballroom dancing.

I had lived in my current house for about ten years and in all that time, the memories of his pair of midnight
canine assassins had only been called upon once when I glimpsed a large dark shape slip from the man's
back-door and into his car.
It was either another black German shepherd or... one of those old bastards was still alive.

One late-summer's evening, the man and his wife left to take up their waltzing, the estate was quiet and
the shadows lengthened. The man's back garden was surrounded by a seven-foot hedge except for a wall
that connected to his bungalow.
That's where the would-be thief climbed over.

The old man told me later that when he'd first discovered that there may have been an attempt to break
into his house, the marks on his patio door he initially believed were from birds.
Back then, plate-glass was held in place with a few small nails and putty, a pliable compound with linseed
oil that small birds sometimes like to peck at.

But the marks were too big and he realised someone had tried to chisel away the putty and remove the pane.
He phoned the Police.

After a search of his garden, the two police officers tapped on his door and assured the man that they would
arrest the culprit as soon as they perused their files back at the station.
The man asked how they could be so confident that they knew who it was that tried to break in through his
patio door and stifling their laughter, they explained.

The thief had been busy in the darkness quietly scraping at the putty when, for some reason he must have
looked up from his work and seen something watching him. Whatever that 'something was, caused the
would-be burglar to vacate his bowels... to eject waste material into his underwear.

Being soiled and possibly in fear of the unknown witness, he had retreated to the rear of the garden to
gather himself and to clean away the fouling. Using a wad of paper he must've discovered in his pocket,
he wiped his backside as best he could and left the scene.
One would suggest that in the circles that this repeat-offender existed, commitment would be low.

The old man joined in with the officers' mirth as they went on to explain the piece of paper was actually
a copy of the thief's charge-sheet from another crime he'd been accused of and his particulars -such as
name and address were visible through the smears of faecal matter.
They even showed the man the evidence in a little bag one of the officers held up.

Maybe -and I'm only guessing here, that as the two policemen explained the events of that dark night
to the old man, a large aphotic shape watched from the shadows of the house and licked it's lips in
knowing.

[Mystic Wanderer]

@"BIAD"                                            Thanks for sharing that story.  

[Spirit Scribe]

Maybe -and I'm only guessing here, that as the two policemen explained the events of that dark night
to the old man, a large aphotic shape watched from the shadows of the house and licked it's lips in
knowing.

Sounds like they (or at least ONE of the dogs) was still looking out for him!  

[Mystic Wanderer]

Oh lordy!     

Man arrested after calling police to have his drugs tested

CNN)Police receive many calls for assistance, but this one was quite unusual.

Douglas Kelly, 49, from Hawthorne, Florida, called the Putnam County Sheriff's Office on Tuesday, police said, asking them to test the drugs he bought a week earlier because he wanted to press charges against the person who sold them to him.
Kelly's public defender did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

Police said Kelly told them he had a bad reaction after he smoked what he believed to be meth and thought he was sold another illegal substance.

"In an effort to ensure the quality of the drug the suspect purchased, detectives told Kelly if he came to the sheriff's office they could test the narcotic he purchased," the Putnam County Sheriff's Office wrote on Facebook.

Kelly drove down to the police station and handed over the clear, crystallized substance for offices to test, and tests showed it was meth, according to the Facebook post. He was arrested and charged with possession and booked into the Putnam County Jail.
Officers used this incident to let others know on that they are always here to help test any illegal drugs.

"If you believe you were sold bad drugs, we are offering a free service to test them for you," the Facebook post says. "Remember, our detectives are always ready to assist anyone who believes they were misled in their illegal drug purchase."
CNN's Jamiel Lynch contributed to this report.