Welcome to West Virginia - Please Exercise Caution

[NightskyeB4Dawn]

Apparently, there has been an influx of furriner ("furriner" is a hill folk term designating anyone not from the Appalachians. For example, a new Yorker or Californian is every bit as "furrin" as the lowliest illegal alien still wet across the shoulders from his Rio Grande trek) refugees into WV from large urban centers as they attempt to escape their sinking ships.

Apparently in alarm at the influx of refugees fleeing communist strongholds who will doubtless attempt to turn West Virginia into a carbon copy of the shitholes they are fleeing from, both my brother and my daughter in law have posted to following to their social media account in order to give fair warning:

WEST VIRGINIA CAUTION:

In regards to all the people wanting to move here from New York and California as well as many other heavily populated cities across the country, and for those just wanting to come to visit:

Before you come to West Virginia you must be aware and understand what exactly is happening here. Especially around the rural and all of middle West Virginia. There's a housing shortage, rent has tripled, and folks are vacationing here in record numbers...

So, if you plan on moving here, or just plan on vacationing in our river bottoms, hill country, mountains or lakes this summer, I think you should know that wolf spiders, fire ants and bedbugs have infested hotels and motels across the area due to dryer than usual weather. The woods will eat you alive with ticks and chiggers.

Our lakes are full of gators, fresh water sharks, and creepy old guys wearing speedos along with huge bald eagles that are known to snatch small children and animals.

Our rivers are full of drunks in tubes peeing themselves while the banjo players lay waiting in the bushes.

Appalachian panthers have eaten many domesticated animals and possibly some small children.

The local bear and coyote population are all 'in heat' and think your wife/girlfriend is hot.

Snakes... don’t even get me started on the water headed copper moccasins here, and the Diamond Back Rattler Cobras.

The poison ivy, sumac and poison oak have overtaken all other vegetation. This plants can cause extreme diarrhea and uncontrollable vomiting.

We have had bear sightings at every park and town and they are after your picnic baskets….and some cougars have been spotted in motel rooms and bars.

Watch out for the jackalopes, they have been extremely aggressive this season.

We have silverback gorillas invading our parks and it’s their mating season. Porcupines are "stabbing" small children should they dare to utilize the local playground equipment.

Skunks have made their way over and multiplied at unprecedented rates and wander the local campgrounds in packs looking for beer.

Murder hornets!?! We’ve got great black clouds of murder hornets, and swarms of giant crickets and even some west African grasshoppers that spit Skoal wintergreen.

Scorpions have now migrated here and have been congregating in massive quantities under rocks, logs, wooden steps, automobiles, and tarantulas are now stealing peoples food and biting like crazy.

I’m pretty sure all private tiger owners (we had a jump in them after Tiger King debuted on Netflix) have released their cats into the streets of our cities and towns.

Head lice now fly and we have vampire bats and don’t even try and forget about the Moth man! Glowing eyes and wings like a scene out of Jeepers Creepers!

Oh, and no one is vaccinated.

I hear Kentucky and Ohio are really nice though.

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Dear God in heaven.

I wrote a similar post over at TOS a long while back. I was fairly new to the site at the time, but boy did I get my behind handed to me. I was attacked from so many angles that it was obvious that the intended humor was completely lost to those at the site.

I hope her post isn't as poorly received as mine was.