03-03-2022, 01:02 AM
(03-02-2022, 07:43 PM)Ninurta Wrote: Truth doesn't exactly die, but it is usually put on life support and hidden in a closet. That is to be expected. It's intent is to mobilize the civilian population to support what would otherwise be unpopular decisions.
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My mind has changed, Sir.
I don't think that i am going to Ukraine. Yes, my military training is still crystal clear in my memory, even as it happened 22 years ago. They design the training that way. Via repetition. To stay in the mind. But the mind itself... has been insane for a long time. I really do not think that my mental health can endure war. Also, i have been thinking about our conversation in the shoutbox. I wanted to talk EXACTLY to you about all of this. I asked a lot of questions. You gave me a lot of replies. You know this shit. I do not think that i am fit to be a soldier. At all, to be honest.
After the completely unfair invasion began, i went way more batshit nuts than usual. Suicidal depression with some psychotic symptoms. I have now managed to eat food, and sleep, and also warm up my sauna and wash myself.
I am quitting my interactions with Finnish defense forces, the e-mails about this.
I am staying home. And as i am an alcoholic, and basically a beer idiot, today is a booze day. Shots. Not gunshots, not for me. But booze shots, for me.
I seriously loathe myself now, but i seriously loathe myself always, therefore in that regard, nothing has really changed.
What i want now, is every single Ukrainian person to hate me, because i let them down.
I apologize.
"Man is fully responsible for his nature and his choices."
-Jean-Paul Sartre
-Jean-Paul Sartre