Several of us local retired pilots were asked to address a high school gathering put on by the local PTA.

I was the only speaker to show up so I had the stage to myself.  I talked about staying in school, getting good grades and all that usual bullshit; and since I had plenty of time because those other guys didn't show, I threw it open for questions.  The last one asked was, "Can you give us a couple of your life's philosophical beliefs?"

I said, "That's an easy one.  Looking back over my 7 decades, I believe I've spent close to 90% of my earnings on booze and whores.  The rest I just wasted."  I was escorted out without getting to finish my last two rules to live by

1) If it flies, floats, or fucks: it's cheaper to rent it.
2) If it's got tits or tires: you're gonna have problems with it.

I hope they invite me back next year so I can finish.  They need to know this stuff!

one day a 7 yr little johnny  and his parents were going to fly from new york to los angles.
when it came to to board the aircraft little johnny just started crying and fighting with his parents about getting on board.
he was yelling about it crashing, wing falling off, engine on fire and all kinds of stuff.

the pilot was running a little late boarding and walked by them while this was going on and heard little johnny .
so he decide he would talk to him.

he said to little johnny, son flying is the safest mode of travel and that he had one of the best records for flights flown for this company.

plus he told the little johnny, don't you know you won't die until God calls you.
little johnny said yeah, but what the fuck happens to me, if he calls you while i'm in the plane with you?

(08-05-2020, 11:26 AM)Snarl Wrote: Several of us local retired pilots were asked to address a high school gathering put on by the local PTA.

I was the only speaker to show up so I had the stage to myself.  I talked about staying in school, getting good grades and all that usual bullshit; and since I had plenty of time because those other guys didn't show, I threw it open for questions.  The last one asked was, "Can you give us a couple of your life's philosophical beliefs?"

I said, "That's an easy one.  Looking back over my 7 decades, I believe I've spent close to 90% of my earnings on booze and whores.  The rest I just wasted."  I was escorted out without getting to finish my last two rules to live by

1) If it flies, floats, or fucks: it's cheaper to rent it.
2) If it's got tits or tires: you're gonna have problems with it.

I hope they invite me back next year so I can finish.  They need to know this stuff!

Just Fucking Fabulous    Oh Ho the wife is behind me looking over my shoulder, I need to Run Now,,,,,,,

(08-05-2020, 02:36 PM)hounddoghowlie Wrote: one day a 7 yr little johnny  and his parents were going to fly from new york to los angles.
when it came to to board the aircraft little johnny just started crying and fighting with his parents about getting on board.
he was yelling about it crashing, wing falling off, engine on fire and all kinds of stuff.

the pilot was running a little late boarding and walked by them while this was going on and heard little johnny .
so he decide he would talk to him.

he said to little johnny, son flying is the safest mode of travel and that he had one of the best records for flights flown for this company.

plus he told the little johnny, don't you know you won't die until God calls you.
little johnny said yeah, but what the fuck happens to me, if he calls you while i'm in the plane with you?

DAMN, I did it again!   Running,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

(08-05-2020, 09:18 PM)guohua Wrote: DAMN, I did it again!

Mr. G,

If you haven't met @"hounddoghowlie" yet ... you're gonna love him.

Cheers,
Snarl

(08-06-2020, 12:18 PM)Snarl Wrote:

(08-05-2020, 09:18 PM)guohua Wrote: DAMN, I did it again!

Mr. G,

If you haven't met @"hounddoghowlie" yet ... you're gonna love him.

Cheers,
Snarl

No, I haven't. I guess he needs to post more often.

(08-06-2020, 01:00 PM)727Sky Wrote:

That was FUNNY! The Faster Guys on The Block!