12-08-2021, 04:20 AM
I want one!
I’ve avoided this thread because, well you know, stereotypes and all and the popular 41% statistic about trans folks and suicide but frankly, I’ve lived with suicide ideation as far back as I can remember as an attractive exit strategy. So much so that it is my sincere hope that I am able to die by my own hand rather than illness or accident with the fear being my brain rots from dementia or Alzheimer’s disenabling me from controlling my own destiny which is something that ranks pretty high on my list, obviously.
I’ve actually come close a couple of times and thought about it real hard more times than that. My junior year of high school (1971/72) when I was 16/17 was probably the most difficult, darkly depressed and desperate year of my life and ending it all seemed like the best and easiest option. I was full of anger, hate and rage and saw no way out of my situation and no possibility of ever having any sort of normal future plus finally starting a very late puberty at 15½ after I’d already begun living as a girl, I was absolutely aghast at what was happening to my otherwise androgynous body and just wanted to die. Fortunately, after years of counseling and therapy with absolutely clueless doctors, my folks found one that understood my transsexualism and started me on estrogen and explained to otherwise clueless me why I was the way I was. Up until then I just thought I was broken and defective so the hormones and a better self understanding of my situation and that there were other people like me gave me the strength and hope to go on and improved my outlook and attitude.
Then again around 21 things became so hard and seemingly hopeless that death loomed as an escape from my pain and heartbreak. I was frustrated at the hopelessness of not being able to obtain the surgery I’d always seen as necessary to fix what I considered a birth defect or grand cosmic mistake piled on top of what I saw as the loss of being a fulltime stay at home parent to another woman’s child I had raised as my own from birth for two years. I was a wreck and ended up living with my parents for a while with my mother figuratively talking me down from the ledge a couple times.
What kept me going was her noting that even though I couldn’t have my baby all of the time I would still have her part of the time and because we were so tightly bonded, what would my loss do to her young life and that thought helped me soldier on and not think solely of my own misfortunes. That thought alone and my responsibilities as a mother saved my life more than a couple times throughout other dark times I’ve been through and by the time I was 22, the needed surgery thing finally happened. By the time she was 11, “my daughter” was once again living under my roof with me fulltime until she moved out on her own at 18 and being a good parent that was there for her was important to me. (She’s 47 now and we’re still close – I talked to her yesterday and she came to visit last month)
The thought of ending it all is something that has been with me a very long time and even as recently as two years ago when my businesses collapsed and I lost everything and was facing homelessness, I had thought of and planned the least impactful way of doing it. There’s really only three people that would care and I discussed my feelings with all of them and to some degree, they were understanding and actually surprised I hadn’t taken myself out long ago. All of them know of my desire to have some degree of control over my final exit and having an option like the Sarco that doesn’t paint my walls with brain matter or leave someone to find my rotting corpse is rather appealing.
Here’s two articles I’ve read about this device and death with dignity.
Link: Here's Why I Invented A 'Death Machine' That Lets People Take Their Own Lives
Link: Controversial Assisted Suicide Pod Cleared for Use in Switzerland
This might also be used as a more humane way of capital punishment?
I’ve avoided this thread because, well you know, stereotypes and all and the popular 41% statistic about trans folks and suicide but frankly, I’ve lived with suicide ideation as far back as I can remember as an attractive exit strategy. So much so that it is my sincere hope that I am able to die by my own hand rather than illness or accident with the fear being my brain rots from dementia or Alzheimer’s disenabling me from controlling my own destiny which is something that ranks pretty high on my list, obviously.
I’ve actually come close a couple of times and thought about it real hard more times than that. My junior year of high school (1971/72) when I was 16/17 was probably the most difficult, darkly depressed and desperate year of my life and ending it all seemed like the best and easiest option. I was full of anger, hate and rage and saw no way out of my situation and no possibility of ever having any sort of normal future plus finally starting a very late puberty at 15½ after I’d already begun living as a girl, I was absolutely aghast at what was happening to my otherwise androgynous body and just wanted to die. Fortunately, after years of counseling and therapy with absolutely clueless doctors, my folks found one that understood my transsexualism and started me on estrogen and explained to otherwise clueless me why I was the way I was. Up until then I just thought I was broken and defective so the hormones and a better self understanding of my situation and that there were other people like me gave me the strength and hope to go on and improved my outlook and attitude.
Then again around 21 things became so hard and seemingly hopeless that death loomed as an escape from my pain and heartbreak. I was frustrated at the hopelessness of not being able to obtain the surgery I’d always seen as necessary to fix what I considered a birth defect or grand cosmic mistake piled on top of what I saw as the loss of being a fulltime stay at home parent to another woman’s child I had raised as my own from birth for two years. I was a wreck and ended up living with my parents for a while with my mother figuratively talking me down from the ledge a couple times.
What kept me going was her noting that even though I couldn’t have my baby all of the time I would still have her part of the time and because we were so tightly bonded, what would my loss do to her young life and that thought helped me soldier on and not think solely of my own misfortunes. That thought alone and my responsibilities as a mother saved my life more than a couple times throughout other dark times I’ve been through and by the time I was 22, the needed surgery thing finally happened. By the time she was 11, “my daughter” was once again living under my roof with me fulltime until she moved out on her own at 18 and being a good parent that was there for her was important to me. (She’s 47 now and we’re still close – I talked to her yesterday and she came to visit last month)
The thought of ending it all is something that has been with me a very long time and even as recently as two years ago when my businesses collapsed and I lost everything and was facing homelessness, I had thought of and planned the least impactful way of doing it. There’s really only three people that would care and I discussed my feelings with all of them and to some degree, they were understanding and actually surprised I hadn’t taken myself out long ago. All of them know of my desire to have some degree of control over my final exit and having an option like the Sarco that doesn’t paint my walls with brain matter or leave someone to find my rotting corpse is rather appealing.
Here’s two articles I’ve read about this device and death with dignity.
Link: Here's Why I Invented A 'Death Machine' That Lets People Take Their Own Lives
Quote:A Sarco death is painless. There’s no suffocation, choking sensation or “air hunger” as the user breathes easily in a low-oxygen environment. The sensation is one of well-being and intoxication.”
Link: Controversial Assisted Suicide Pod Cleared for Use in Switzerland
Quote:The capsule is sitting on a piece of equipment that will flood the interior with nitrogen, rapidly reducing the oxygen level to 1 per cent from 21 per cent in about 30 seconds,” Nitschke told SwissInfo. “The person will feel a little disoriented and may feel slightly euphoric before they lose consciousness. Death takes place through hypoxia and hypocapnia, oxygen and carbon dioxide deprivation, respectively. There is no panic, no choking feeling.”
Nitschke added that death usually follows unconsciousness in such a setting after around five to ten minutes.
This might also be used as a more humane way of capital punishment?
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.