The Loch Ness Monster

[BIAD]

Is it THAT time of the year ALREADY?? LOL

Click-Bait, Teaser Headline SHOCK HORROR... Maybe! Possibly, Might, Sort of be... something Surprising!...

At first I thought you were implying that the photograph from the Inverness Courier was fake, which is a
laughable suggestion as I work with Photoshop software and can see that this is clearly your face!
(Most RN members recognise your 'guitar-playing sunglasses', mate!)

The person in the picture is you Gordi, newspapers don't lie. Just ask Piers Morgan.

Another thing is that an adult who wasn't familiar with the beast, wouldn't climb on the back of a Plesiosaur
in the such cold temperatures of Loch Ness, the chilling calefaction would reverse time and turn a man's testicles
into those of a ten year-old boy.
(It's the same as when you're getting ready on a Saturday night and after leaving the shower naked, you lean over
the cold sink to reach for your razor... same thing)

So the conclusion drawn is that this isn't the first time you've done this with Nessie and thank heavens the
trustworthy Press were on-hand to grab the photo.

...As MrsG has alluded to... a single creature couldn't really have been the source of all of the sightings over many hundreds of years.
If there is a "creature" (of any sort) in Loch Ness, then there must be a breeding population of creatures there.

A fair assumption and it only falls down when we insert our selfish perception of what the strange creature must be.

We tend to believe that since elusive un-scientifically recognised animals cannot comprehend guile or that ability to
problem-solve in the way we THINK we do, such a creature would surely show itself more often than it does.

Who's to say the monster doesn't regularly break the surface of the loch? Life isn't a movie where everything is
catered for -for the viewer. In 1987, Operation Deepscan trawled the length of Loch Ness and detected three unidentified
separate objects opposite Urquhart Castle at depths of between 256 and 590 feet.

Twenty-four boats covering sixty percent of the loch and receiving sonar readings in an area where 'Nessie' has been
most observed. After re-scanning that area of the water the next day, the objects could no longer be detected.
Three objects there one day, not there the next day. Not one single object.

Adrian Shine's conclusion... probably seals that had wandered in from the Inverness-Caledonian canal.
And nobody laughed or used the usual degrading insult of the product of a whisky-soaked imagination.

...AFAIK there are no Catfish or Giant Sturgeon on the loose in Scottish waters, and I've never came across any specific
evidence to suggest that there is a breeding population here. (It's too cold for Catfish to breed here!

You can forget catfish and even though sturgeons are cold-water northern hemisphere fish of very large size,
I'd think that fishing residents around the loch would've caught one by now -or at least acknowledged the presence
of one.
The scientists can't.

Of course, to even rule-in the idea of catfish or sturgeon, we have to rule-out the land sightings and assume that the
witnesses were all liars.

There's no doubt that Loch Ness is deep and mysterious.
There is a even a possibility that there are underwater tunnels which link the Loch to the Sea.
Everyone has heard of Sea-Monsters.... right?

Again, this proposal is often scoffed at in favour of a giant invisible land-walking sturgeon or long-necked catfish
that are only nosy about summer tourists or lazy journalists.
The scientists wear white coats -for God's sake, stop doubting them.

...Many of the "sightings" are likely mis-identifications of other things, whether rolling waves from far-off boats, swimming deer,
seals/porpoises/salmon/logs... Does that mean that a population of unknown creatures doesn't exist there?

And right there amongst the many unusual behaviors of the large body of water, those same scientists assure the
believers is where the monster resides.

All of Gordi's examples are rational and yet, every year a witness comes forward to report a dark-coloured, long-necked,
mottle-skinned humped object appearing at the surface, moving against winds, submerging, avoiding water-traffic and on
very rare occasions, coming ashore.

All accounts from half-witted, duplicitous people who live in a world where they believe monsters exist...?
Or simply long-term loch-shore residents, tourists and keen enthusiasts who see something that they cannot rationalise?

PS - I had to invent the main body of text in the Inverness Courier article (regarding wrestling the beast) as
I had been photographed atop said creature and needed to come up with a valid reason for doing so that didn't
involve the smooth yet abrasive skin of Nessie's back being the ideal surface texture for easing sporran rash issues....
for a friend... aye...

I read the Courier's piece and it was quite illuminating.
Like many here on Rogue Nation, I had no idea you had other property along the 26 mile-long loch and partook in the hobby
of riding large-finned natives of that water. Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging. I've heard there are movies involving humans
and... well, this is a family-friendly website, so I'll drop it.

You out of idle curiosity of said-members, would you like to expand on other experiences of 'sporran rash'?
 



From The Inverness Courier. Converted into text.

       Local Man Seen Interacting With Summer Favourite Just Off Shore Of Drumnadrochit.

                                                   (By our correspondent B. Dress.)

Local residents pretended to be astonished on Sunday, when tourists reported to the proprietors of the nearby
gift-shops of a man spotted behaving in a unusual manner in the nearby bay.

Where the rivers Enrick and Colltie meet to flow into Loch Ness, onlookers seemed bemused by the handsome,
althletic-bodied gentleman that those -who sell their low-quality metal king-rings and Hong-Kong-made bumper
-stickers to daily visitors, recognise as 'Gordi McGordi', gamboling in the peaty waters with the fabled beastie
-just north of Urquhart Castle.

Gordi, who strums to tourists and wrestles the occasional ox that strays near his property, recently caused a stir when
he invaded a meeting at the Unesco World Heritage site in Edinburgh and disrupted Scottish Parliamentary discussions
on whether the London Cockneys were worth hanging on to.

Straddling the imaginary animal with his firm un-rashed thighs, Gordi performed a couple of folk tunes accompanied by
his guitar and something beneath his sporran that kept the beat. Sadly, the gratuities tossed at him sank beneath the
waves, but the applause certainly made-up for any fiscal mishaps.

Asked later by the media on why he engages in this day-of-rest activity, Gordi was reported to have smiled and told the
Reporter to f*ck off. Obviously, Scottish humour is sometimes lost on southern scriveners and so to clear the air, Gordi
ceded to the Journalist's old ruse of abusing their expense account.
...............................


In other news.

Public House Landlord Beats Reporter Half-To-Death  For Inability To Pay Bar-Bill.

Innkeeper Bruiser McTavish was severely reprimanded by the local constabulary on Sunday evening, when he was
suspected of being involved in an assault. McTavish of Drumnadrochit...