Well, I have no land line any more, and am restricted to a cell phone. My cell is not in my real name, but registered to an older nom de guerre that I don't use for much any more, so I can be fairly sure that unknown callers are not trying to reach me per se. Still, before I got this number, someone else had it, and that someone was reluctant to pay her bills, apparently, so I get the odd collections call here and there.
Generally, I don't answer calls from numbers that are not already programmed into the phone. One persistent cuss called repeatedly for several days, so I decided to answer it on the off chance it was someone calling for that older name the phone is registered to, but alas it was just a collections call for the young lady who was phobic towards her bills.
The first I answered asked if Ms So-And-So was available, and I replied that I didn't know her availability, because I didn't know her, and hung up. I guess they didn't believe me, and doubled up on their callbacks.
The last call they made went like this:
Me: "Hello, and welcome to the GLAW-ree-ous Church of JAY-sus, Apostolic Pentecostal Successionist... In-CAW-por-ate-ed, Brother Billy Bob Boswell speaking. Have you heard the Word of GAWD today?"
Caller: "Hello. Is Ms So-And-So available?"
Me: "I dunno who that is, but let's talk about YOU. Have you been SAVED, Worshed in the Blood of the Lamb? If not, we can fix that inna jiffy, brother!"
Caller: "I really need to speak with Ms So-And-So, it's about her..."
Me: "Ah, I see yer deflecting from the subjet at hand, which CLEAR-LEH show you ain't been worshed in the blood yet, as yer still a-kickin' agin the goad. We kin fix that, an' git ye on the right road in no time, though. Now, all you gotta do is git down on yer knees and repeat these 3 phrases to be SAVED."
Caller: "Well, no, Uh, I really..."
Me: "Git thee buh-HIND me, Satan! Don't worry now, we can git rid o' that demonic oppression yer sufferin' under, brother. Just git down on yer..."
Caller: "About Ms So-And So and her..."
Me: "Be HEALED! I'll git that demon out o' yer yet, and atter that we kin git on towards workin' out yer redemption. Now GIT down on yer knees an' repeat atter me..."
Caller: "But I..."
Me: (unitelligible string of gibberish meant to represent "tongues")
Caller: Click.
Never heard from them again.
.
Generally, I don't answer calls from numbers that are not already programmed into the phone. One persistent cuss called repeatedly for several days, so I decided to answer it on the off chance it was someone calling for that older name the phone is registered to, but alas it was just a collections call for the young lady who was phobic towards her bills.
The first I answered asked if Ms So-And-So was available, and I replied that I didn't know her availability, because I didn't know her, and hung up. I guess they didn't believe me, and doubled up on their callbacks.
The last call they made went like this:
Me: "Hello, and welcome to the GLAW-ree-ous Church of JAY-sus, Apostolic Pentecostal Successionist... In-CAW-por-ate-ed, Brother Billy Bob Boswell speaking. Have you heard the Word of GAWD today?"
Caller: "Hello. Is Ms So-And-So available?"
Me: "I dunno who that is, but let's talk about YOU. Have you been SAVED, Worshed in the Blood of the Lamb? If not, we can fix that inna jiffy, brother!"
Caller: "I really need to speak with Ms So-And-So, it's about her..."
Me: "Ah, I see yer deflecting from the subjet at hand, which CLEAR-LEH show you ain't been worshed in the blood yet, as yer still a-kickin' agin the goad. We kin fix that, an' git ye on the right road in no time, though. Now, all you gotta do is git down on yer knees and repeat these 3 phrases to be SAVED."
Caller: "Well, no, Uh, I really..."
Me: "Git thee buh-HIND me, Satan! Don't worry now, we can git rid o' that demonic oppression yer sufferin' under, brother. Just git down on yer..."
Caller: "About Ms So-And So and her..."
Me: "Be HEALED! I'll git that demon out o' yer yet, and atter that we kin git on towards workin' out yer redemption. Now GIT down on yer knees an' repeat atter me..."
Caller: "But I..."
Me: (unitelligible string of gibberish meant to represent "tongues")
Caller: Click.
Never heard from them again.
.
Diogenes was eating bread and lentils for supper. He was seen by the philosopher Aristippus, who lived comfortably by flattering the king.
Said Aristippus, ‘If you would learn to be subservient to the king you would not have to live on lentils.’ Said Diogenes, ‘Learn to live on lentils and you will not have to be subservient to the king.’
Said Aristippus, ‘If you would learn to be subservient to the king you would not have to live on lentils.’ Said Diogenes, ‘Learn to live on lentils and you will not have to be subservient to the king.’