Two White Girls... One Morocco.

[Ninurta]

That was like my family and me in Nuevo Laredo a few years back. We were just tourists that believed
the brochures and that border-towns weren't as bad as what the movies made out.

I'll say that there were times when the shift from prey to an equal was pretty vague, but I kept my mind on
the idea that I'd have to kill anything that came through the motel-room door that night. It's strange using
the anger of being scared as anger of being relied on as a loved one.

It's not a place I'd like to visit again.

That may be the best explanation of that phenomena I've ever seen. It comes across to those outside trying to look in as "bravery", but bravery is not the absence of fear, it is the mastery of it. The only thing I can think of that is slightly comparable is the urge for retribution when a loved on has already been harmed. That doesn't happen because one suddenly becomes "fearless", it happens because something deep inside dies for the duration - it's not that one becomes unafraid, it's just that one does not care any longer what happens as long as the objective is accomplished.

And yes, that is a scary damned state, even for one's self, especially afterwards. It's an odd thing how "fearlessness" can produce that sort of fear.

I've also  been in situations where I knew, without a doubt, that I was going to die... and there was no way out. I firmly believe that the acceptance of that fate produced a calmness and clarity of thought that is the ONLY reason I didn't die...

... and afterwards, when it was all over and I was safe again, I utterly lost my shit and became a basket case for a while.

I also believe that anyone who DOES NOT feel fear when danger is about is probably a psychopath, and I sure as hell don't want someone like that in the same trench I'M in!

I bet there is a psychological study in there somewhere.

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