Psychologists say you should masturbate at work

[Mystic Wanderer]

This is terrible. I have friends in many walks of life that this sort of advice
could cause problems to.

There's Jason, the young man down at the Butcher shop that tenderises the steaks.
Is he now to beat his own meat because of this article?

What about Calvin from the local Supermarket...?
He prided himself making the elongated fruit look spectacular and shiny.
So is he now doomed to buff his own banana?

Patrick at the poultry farm will have something to say about this.
His humane manner of choking the chickens will never seem the same again.

I will not endeavour to explain how James at the nearby Invention Labs will react when
he realises his new machine called the Purple-Headed Yogurt-Slinger will now be mocked
in the business markets.

And of course, BIAD's date with Rosie Palmer and her five sisters in now a no-go.

BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH!  

You really should consider donating your brain to science at your death.