The year 2020 hit me in the form of a bus this time

[Snarl]

That is the problem with addiction, it's very very hard to find the middle ground, boredom and being alone is also a big problem. Old friends also can drag one back into the addiction. Perhaps its all about making the addiction less destructive till its time to brake free. 
Your encounter with the bus was not caused by you, nor by your addiction, but by your reaction to your story, so a good point is to change how you react to your story, make it less self destructive.
Everyone has a story, no one just became an addict, it's how we react to the good or bad in our story, thats something all should remember.

So well said!!

All adults should be able to control themselves.

[F2d5thCav]

Get well soon, @"Finspiracy" .

Cheers

[Finspiracy]

PHASE 6: Things beyond my comprehension abilities, throwing in the towel, getting the towel back to me and the relapse.

Okay. Friday noon now. It was my big day the day before yesterday, wednesday. New x-rays, meeting with a doctor, meeting with a physiotherapist and some nurses.

Scheduled taxi did not show up. These are welfare taxis, i pay 25 euros from my own pocket and the welfare covers the rest. I waited 45 minutes in the rain, returned home, called the hospital "what now?" i was instructed to try to call the welfare taxi center again, they can see me at the hospital later the same day. Line was busy... and busy... total struggle to get through. I got through finally, and they said that they will call me if they have any available taxis.

After 20 minutes, some dude called, "5 minutes and i am at your door to pick you up" I was like "Alright, i come in front of my apartment building to wait" That went as planned. In the taxi i made calls to the hospital... line busy... i got my call through and they said "We don't know if we have time to take your x-rays today, or if you can see any of our staff, but come anyway"

I got there, at the hospital. Mandatory corona masks. As an asthmatic, breathing was a struggle and my mental state was shattered. They got my x-rays, but told me that there is no time to meet doctors or physio or nurses. I was like "Whatever, but is there any nurse around here who would have 5 minutes for me, i got my anti-psychotic injection with me and it is already one week late and i was supposed to get it today" Well that was out of the question. Then my return taxi came

Mom wanted me to call there and arrange this and schedule this and i said not now. Not anything. Then i slept for about 24 hours and woke up when the mail came. Letter from the police, asking me to be in contact. I called right away and the detective asked me about the accident and if i admit or deny guilt. I said "Well, 2,4 per mill of alcohol in my bloodstream then, i did not use the pedestrian crossing, i think we both know that i am the one to blame, officer" Then he asked about my injuries and i told about the broken bones and staying at home for 6 weeks in a row. Then he said that "Sounds like you have already received your punishment, i will not send you a ticket, i will let you off with a warning and end the criminal investigation right now" I thanked the officer for being understanding.

Thursday came. I called the health clinic for injection appointment. They would have scheduled me right away but i said that i need welfare taxi to move, and it needs to be scheduled previous day. So my appointment was today, Friday. I did not schedule the taxi, they can't be trusted. I decided that i will try the bus. Made it, quite painlessly actually. Mandatory corona masks at the health clinic of course but the nurse was a really pleasant person. It was nice to talk to a real human in real life, even as it was health issues, physical and mental.

I left the place, threw away the mask and got booze and beer.

So many of you have prayed for me. So many of you have supported. And i failed you all. I can only apologize, and i hereby officially do it now: I, Finspiracy, Apologize.

-Fin
Certified loser, and a weak man.

[Wallfire]

Since the government opened up the taxi service so the "imports" can run and drive its become a 100% mess, its well known and talked about all over the country, so your not to blame. I fully understand the feeling of frustration you are feeling, it feels like everything is turning agenst you and the feeling of "WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I CARE AND TRY" is very very normal
That you went and got beer is understandable but not a good move, but like the rest of us you are just human and have your limits. Life is not a 100% good nor is it a 100% bad, its about finding a path that works for you and works for the people around you. 
Do not fall into the trap of doing things in order to keep people happy, if you do something do it because its what is good for you, and most people will agree and help you.
If you fight for a better life there is no guarantee that you will get it, if you dont fight its a 100% sure you wont get it, so like it or not its in your hands.
Be safe you old bastard  

[Wallfire]

This is my battle song, it helps.



We're not gonna take it
No, we ain't gonna take it
We're not gonna take it anymore
We've got the right to choose and
There ain't no way we'll lose it
This is our life, this is our song
We'll fight the powers that be just
Don't pick our destiny 'cause
You don't know us, you don't belong
We're not gonna take it
No, we ain't gonna take it
We're not gonna take it anymore



Oh you're so condescending
Your gall is never ending
We don't want nothin', not a thing from you
Your life is trite and jaded
Boring and confiscated
If that's your best, your best won't do
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
We're right, yeah
We're free, yeah
We'll fight, yeah
You'll see, yeah
We're not gonna take it
No, we ain't gonna take it
We're not gonna take it anymore
We're not gonna take it
No, we ain't gonna take it
We're not gonna take it anymore


No way!
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
We're right, yeah
We're free, yeah
We'll fight, yeah
You'll see, yeah
We're not gonna take it
No, we ain't gonna take it
We're not gonna take it anymore
We're not gonna take it
No, we ain't gonna take it
We're not gonna take it anymore
We're not gonna take it
No, we ain't gonna take it
We're not gonna take it anymore
We're not gonna take it.


And this is my silent moment song

[Finspiracy]

Phase 7: Doc called me. Hospital visits have ended now.

Yeah, my doctor called me yesterday. She told me that the x-rays show, that the ossification is going well on both the arm and the hip. Free movement of both left limbs now (right limbs were alright to begin with) No carrying restrictions anymore, i can carry as much as i can. Carrying stuff hurts a little bit but about 2 kilos is alright with the left hand. Right hand is still occupied with the walking stick. I am allowed to get rid of the walking stick when i don't limp at all anymore. I am not quite there yet, but doing physiotherapy a lot, so i will get there soon enough. No more control visits to the hospital, no new x-rays, no meetings with docs or physiotherapists or anything.

So this is pretty much an end of an era, and a closure to this thread. I do my best not to fuck up anymore, at least any time soon. This was a hard journey to recovery. Extreme isolation, loneliness like i have never felt before because i am a complete introvert. Pains, painful physiotherapy. Tiny fragile grannies walking way faster than me when i have taken short walks outside.

My sincere thanks and respects to all readers and supporters. You were all really important, you still are. You were my contact to the surrounding world during this time because i dislike phones. The surrounding world just happens to be quite crazy at this moment in time, but luckily you rogues are not.

I wish pleasant things to happen to you all. May brighter days shine soon!

-Fin

[guohua]

Phase 7: Doc called me. Hospital visits have ended now.

Yeah, my doctor called me yesterday. She told me that the x-rays show, that the ossification is going well on both the arm and the hip. Free movement of both left limbs now (right limbs were alright to begin with) No carrying restrictions anymore, i can carry as much as i can. Carrying stuff hurts a little bit but about 2 kilos is alright with the left hand. Right hand is still occupied with the walking stick. I am allowed to get rid of the walking stick when i don't limp at all anymore. I am not quite there yet, but doing physiotherapy a lot, so i will get there soon enough. No more control visits to the hospital, no new x-rays, no meetings with docs or physiotherapists or anything.

So this is pretty much an end of an era, and a closure to this thread. I do my best not to fuck up anymore, at least any time soon. This was a hard journey to recovery. Extreme isolation, loneliness like i have never felt before because i am a complete introvert. Pains, painful physiotherapy. Tiny fragile grannies walking way faster than me when i have taken short walks outside.

My sincere thanks and respects to all readers and supporters. You were all really important, you still are. You were my contact to the surrounding world during this time because i dislike phones. The surrounding world just happens to be quite crazy at this moment in time, but luckily you rogues are not.

I wish pleasant things to happen to you all. May brighter days shine soon!

-Fin

That is Great news.