That Feeling...That Moment

[FlyingClayDisk]

Did you ever get that feeling, in your mind's eye, amid all the chaos of the moment...where you were right where you wanted to be...right in that moment? 

You were with who you wanted to be with...right in that moment.  Rockin' to the rhythm of Life.

It was just a a fleeting moment, but you knew, just knew, that was the moment.  That was it.  The moment.

And you said to yourself..."If I died right now, right here in this moment, if I ceased to exist...I've done everything I ever wanted to do; I've lived my whole life to get to this one moment...it would all be okay.  To be in this one moment...forever.  It would all be worth it."  (?)  You felt like you wished you could freeze that moment in time, so it would never change...but you didn't.  You didn't freeze the moment because you thought a better one might come.

And then...life happened.

Explanation: @"FlyingClayDisk"

Yes! Its the recollection of my 1st memory ever and I was with my mother whilst in her womb!

So I was unconscious until then ... but then I suddenly became aware of her heartbeat and I was like ... that is the greatest sound ever!

And I was deeply contented and "If I died right now, right here in this moment, if I ceased to exist...I've done everything I ever wanted to do; I've lived my whole life to get to this one moment...it would all be okay.  To be in this one moment...forever.  It would all be worth it."


And I felt like I wished I could freeze that moment in time, so it would never change...but I didn't.  I didn't freeze the moment because I thought a better one might come.

And then...life happened.

Then, years later, you see or hear something, something which reminds you of that one moment so long ago in a way you can never forget, something completely unrelated, but in a way you just can't shake.  And you wish you could somehow get back to that moment, that one perfect moment so long ago, but you know you likely never will again.  That one perfect moment.

And, you knew, even in that moment, that it may not have turned out to be anything more than just a fleeting glance, but it was perfect...and nothing can ever change it.  That vision is cast like crystal in your mind...forever.

That feeling...that one perfect moment.

Personal Disclosure: Yes!

Many things bring it back ... that damned memory haunts me ok.

But thats ok ... I'd be lost without it!

I saved this response for last because it is the most interesting from a comparative perspective.  You've illuminated a similar type of memory, but one altogether different, all in the same ways.  It's like an electronic sine wave in a 'cycle' of life.  The irony being contained in they are the beat of the same heart, the cycle of the same circuit or frequency.  Life.

At least, that's how I have them 'classified' in my mind.

One is fear, or contemplation of life itself, and the other exists in the mind's eye of some utopian joy.  And, perhaps they are the same memory, but having experienced both, equally vivid, my feeble mind puts them in different boxes.  I think this is the reason why...

One is at the edge of life looking in, and the other is at the center of life looking out.  One is the contemplation of value, perhaps worthiness or contribution to good.  The other is one of comparative evaluation to some imaginary baseline of normalcy.  In this regard they are different.  However, not so different as they may initially appear, because they both lead to the same...place.

I've long said, 'the only truly "dumb" question is the one which is never asked'.  But surely this couldn't be relevant could it, and if so, how ever could it be?  I've only had one person in life ever ask me a truly "dumb" question..."dumb" beyond all comprehension.

I was inverted at the time (literally), fuel was mixing curiously with the blood leaking from my skull, trapped inside of a vehicle crumpled like a cheap beer can in the ditch on the side of a highway, (curiously enough, also in the rain) one night.  And the "dumb" question??  I remember it vividly, like it happened 4 minutes ago,..."Are you okay?  Would you like me to call 9-1-1?"  And despite 13 broken ribs, a fractured skull, separated shoulder, two broken legs, dislocated knee, hyper-exteded elbow, punctured lung, completely smashed left hand, contused heart, ruptured spleen, internal bleeding and having lost about 40% of my blood supply...I managed a simple..."Yes, please!".

And yeah, I remember them talking about me, as they cut the vehicle apart, as I got loaded into the medivac...in the lights of the OR. The discussions like I wasn't even there, some inanimate object.  I even had the presence of mind to see the flagging tape on my toe.  I remember seeing the red and knowing I needed to look in the medic's hand hoping to see a roll of yellow, but it wasn't there.  "God's Speed, man.  You guys are clear to the west."...he said, not to me, but to the life-flight medic who he handed the black roll of tape to (the roll I was hoping I wouldn't see!). And the latch buckling shut on the door.  I remember my Dad telling my wife she shouldn't go look (at me), and the lights in the OR, the sound of the gases.

And then there's that strange silence when you wake up...and there's no one there (at first).  You don't move, your eyes just sort of pop open, and there's all that goop they put on your eyes so you can't really see anything.  Am I alive?  Or, is this what it's like to be....

Now, in that "moment" you have this weird time span to think, where thoughts shoot through your brain at the speed of light. 

That memory 'box' is a little different, because in that box there are no finite thoughts, only open-ended questions...questions without answers.  "Did I live a good life?  Was I good to other people?  Did I leave a positive mark on this world?...please someone tell me I did!  Did I say all the right things today?  Tell all the right people I loved them?  Am I good with this place, and this time?"  And the 2nd nano-second after that the promises start rolling in..."If I'm actually alive, or if I somehow miraculously pull through this, I promise I will never <insert every imaginable wrong thing you've ever done or thought>".

Yet the irony isn't contained in the differences of that moment, but rather the similarities.  Scrolling all the way back to the top of this OP..."If I died right now, right here in this moment, if I ceased to exist..."  is really the same end-game, is it not?  Almost the same exact question in the sublime memory example.  There is not pain, only some strange, yet eerily similar, euphoric moment...before you drift off into the aether once again for a while.

Yeah, I remember that moment too, but in the interest of my own personal sanity I try to keep those moments in a separate, well, storage box.