We are not 20 anymore?

[Freija]

I think a romantic relationship should never involve the children in the beginning. Of course the fact there are children involved, will need to be disclosed, if one is looking for a lasting relationship, but if marriage in not in the picture, then the children should not be either.

Long time no post eh? Anyway...

I think this is an idealistic point of view and kind of difficult in practice to carry out.

Little known fact about me because I don’t talk about it much online but 40+ years ago when I was single and in the dating world, I was also cp-parenting a child 50% of the time, had multiple romantic relationships and keeping a kid from not being a factor in relationships is neigh impossible if they are an integral part of your life even if purely for logistical reasons alone. Sure, whirlwind affairs and short term hookups are one thing and best kept discrete but how someone gets along with your children and your responsibilities toward them comes into play way before the thought of marriage or even a serious relationship comes into the picture.

Yes, there are probably a few people and relationships I’d rather my daughter not have been exposed to or witnessed but you can’t really exclude your kids from your life if you’re open and honest with them and what kind of relationship could you have with someone that didn’t involve your kids anyway?

I don’t disagree that it is hard on kids to be involved in your relationships that don’t work out. I’ve experienced this from several different angles from being a kid with a mother in multiple relationships and marriages, to having a kid in my own relationships and from being in relationships with people that had their own kids and it is hard but I also think it’s just a fact of life. A part of me also thinks it helps kids know life isn’t always a 1950s fairy tale which they’ve probably already seen once if their mother is single and dating. My child’s other parent also had relationships that came and went so unless you don’t have kids or are in a forever lifetime type traditional family, it is kind of hard to say kids should be kept out of your relationships unless it is something long lasting or marriage is involved.

I was “just friends” for a considerable time with my future husband before I got married. It was like the second time I went to his house to hang out, I dragged my then 10 year old along with me because 1) what else was I going to do with her and 2) what if he couldn’t handle being around someone with a kid? It was kind of important to know what she thought of him as well because if she thought he was creepy or was scared of him or they didn’t get along, how could I even be friends with him?

When I did start living with him and we got married, my then 11 year old came to live with us full time until she graduated high school, met someone and moved out on her own. He knew that to be with me, she came with the territory and he treated her as well as he did me. She was 22 or 23 and herself married when my ex and I got divorced and she wasn’t very happy about it. He was the only dad she’d ever known as she’d only ever had two moms.

Sidenote:
How I became a mom in the first place and later a grandma is kind of personal and a long story considering my history and (duh), she isn’t biologically my child but I raised her as my own from the time she was born when I was just 19. She’s almost 47 now, my grandson will be 24 and I’m a Jurassic dinosaur but I’m still mom and still grandma and should by some miracle happen or hell freezes over and I’m involved in a another relationship, they certainly will know about it and be a part of it.

My independent mother raised me a little to independent.

Yeah, I hear that story. In some ways it sucks but I wouldn't have it any other way.

This is (I believe) part of the purpose of separation of church and state.

Used to be people were in married in the eyes of God.  Then the state-co-opted that shit.  Now they control it.  Remember when there was a tax benefit to being married?  It's a damned penalty now.

I'm more for the church deciding if a man and a woman are to be married.  The church is pretty stingy when it comes to breaking up a marriage.  Let them decide on that too.  If fact, I'd kind'a like to see being married and having a kid as a condition of being a citizen.  Why the Hell not?  "If you get divorced you're not a citizen anymore," would certainly lead to a more responsible decision making process.

Oh brother! This is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard!

Just sayin'.