(07-27-2020, 10:30 PM)Finspiracy Wrote: @Bally002
Let the guilt go. Let it go NOW!
It was a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. We don't want you to have 2 broken family members, girlie with her leg and you with your mind. You are a good man, worthy of admiration, everyone here knows that. Now, you need to know that also.
Hello Fin, your kind and thoughtful words are most appreciated. But I must let you on a little secret. Being a leader in front
line in my professions either as in the military or as an LEO in some of the worst places for probably more years than you have life in you. I have to manage guilt.
If I didn't feel guilty I would be considered as heartless. But like my previous professions I put the brave face on and get the job done. I make decisions based of the best advice. Then I still stand up and lead. The old saying 'Stand tall while those around you fall' resonates with me. As evidenced in the wild fires here which was mentioned on ATS several time in threads. I'm sorry that by self I only saved 2 houses while in excess of 85 burned and exploded around me. Everyone else did a runner. That said, I don't blow my own trumpet. I got on with the job and this is further evidenced in many social media sites. Moving on. I lost a lot but saved not only my house but the animals and family using quick decisions. The guilt from this comes with criticism from authorities. It hangs there. This is only an example.
With regards to 'girlie'. I ran over her. Of course I feel guilty but that does not stop me from formulating a plan, looking serious at the blubbering family and saying. "This is what we are going to do."
I tear up in my own time, not at other times when there is a job to be done. It affects me and I leave the guilt aside until I can get to my own place and be with my thoughts and, I dissect and debrief myself as to how I could do things better. In 'girlies' case nothing softens me when I have to make her repair.
The internal guilt helps me and doesn't remove any action I may take. So, I don't fall to pieces, I move on but the guilt I hold makes me aware not to make that same mistake again. I've said it before, "Adapt, Adjust and Overcome'. Someone has to do it. Clearly and concisely without 'obvious' emotion.
Lastly, I poured my feeling that I hold here on this site to you lot only. Not to anyone else
Now I find this site called RN where I may personally put forward my emotions. I'll put it out there now. I am no sook or snowflake.
Can I post my private feelings of 'guilt', which doesn't detract from the job I have to do. I'll have that 'guilt' still when I see 'girlie' hopping around but I'll still support her in my own way.
Kind regards,
Bally:)