Feeling like a lone wolf

[Finspiracy]

There isn’t a shoutbox, but I need to get some things off my chest. I’m really happy with my life despite my missing my hubby so much it takes my breath away at times. I did my weekly visit with him at the nursing home. His cognizance is getting a little worse over time, due to two strokes, aphasia, and tardive dyskinesia. I see this happening gradually, and it’s tearing me apart. There’s not a damn thing I can do to help him or slow down time. I tell myself every day to remember the Serenity Prayer. But it’s a struggle at times.

The idea and content of the Serenity Prayer is great and wonderful. If you find comfort from that prayer, keep it in mind in the future also. Of course it is a struggle. If you would write that even considering the circumstances, you are not one bit struggling and troubled, then i would be worried.

I’m in Green Bay, WI for my nephew’s wedding tomorrow. Originally, my youngest sister was going to room with me and split the cost, but she backed out at the last minute. My middle sister, her hubby, my three nieces and their respective hubbys all partied with me earlier in their room. It was a lot of fun. Now I’m back in my room by myself and feeling a little disconnected from everything. There’s no reason for me to be feeling melancholy, yet I miss my hubby a lot when these things go on. I miss him being with me and feel guilty having fun without him. I know it’s kind of fucked up to feel that way.

Melancholy does not ask for your permission to arrive. It does not ask if you have time in your calendar for it to arrive. When it arrives, it arrives.

You are allowed to party and have fun without feeling any guilt about it. I don't know your husband, but i am pretty sure he would want you to have a good time.

I keep a lot of this stuff to myself.

Please don't. These things are too heavy to carry alone. And yes, even if you talk and write, you still have to carry the burden. Still, writing and talking honestly about the way you feel helps. It helps.

This is the only place I feel I can vent without judgement. Otherwise I feel apart from most people.

Likewise. Rogues are the rock stars of the internet.

I put on a brave face, smile and laugh. But I’m planning my hubby’s funeral, and feel so damn depressed. It sucks, and I feel like it’s dragging me down.

Sounds like you are a human being, who has the emotions of a human being. I am sorry you have to go through this. Write here anytime, now there is this thread and you know, it is kinda your thread, you have the right to write  about anything here, or not write at all. Your call, and your call only.

But I still do my best to find joy in things I see. The little birds on my feeder who fuss and fight make me laugh and smile. There’s a really fat little bunny that likes to eat all the bird seed left over on my patio. He’s just a cutie. The squirrels chase each other and wrestle on my patio. But when I’m away from home, I start feeling lonely and disconnected from the rest of the world.

It is good that you still find joy from some things. Animals can be great. And children. Because animals and children are not programmed. Their reactions are genuine and honest without an agenda in the background.

This is temporary. By tomorrow, I will be excited about the wedding Then one more night, and I will be back home, where I will feel like myself again.

Everything is temporary.

Enjoy the wedding! I find the concept of marriage deeply romantic and beautiful, and i love it when people get married!