Legion of the Dead

[Michigan Swamp Buck]

A number of years ago, might be six or more now, I was busted up, broken and left for dead on the road. I shouldn't be alive right now. It took me almost a year to even believe I was alive, despite the therapy and recovery. I was gone before I hit the road and when I came back I believed that when you die, there is nothing, there was nothing before you were alive and nothing after you are dead. I took the world with me into the void where there is nothing.

I began to think about the world as if I was dead, because I found it unbelievable I had survived, something I doubt even now as I write this. Just awhile ago my GF had read a story where a local tried to commit suicide by jumping off a highway over pass. I thought about all the hopeless people who are considering taking their own life and how I might persuade them to remain alive by looking at life as if they were already dead.

It is very liberating to be dead. You have nothing, you are nothing, no worries, no concerns, nothing to make you feel anything because you and everything is gone. It isn't and never was there, so what is this problem with your life that means anything if you are already dead?

If you are that low that you would take your own life, then follow me and join the legion of the dead. I'll show you that your BS is meaningless and no matter what happens, it ain't jack shit if you weren't alive right now, so get over it because you died when you decided to end your own life.

I'm all about it if you drink the Kool aide first.

I drank the kool aid and already died, follow me and be free from everything. Life sucks and reality is bullshit.

Well at least you didn't cut off your penis and kill a bunch of kids trying to hitch a ride on an alien comet like the other fuckers.

No doubt, I have too much respect for my little man to simply cut him loose.

My Kool-aid was a close brush with death and I asked for it by taking risks. By not actually dying (I guess), and thinking about life as if I had died, it freed me from giving a shit about anything basically, for a long while anyway. I certainly wouldn't go completely psycho and try to hitch up with a passing comet, although the symptoms of my experience could indicate I'm becoming a sociopath, possibly from the closed head injury.

I'm just going for the ride now, even if it is on Shit Creek and I lost my paddle. If anything is entirely unimportant now, it's my ego.