That Feeling...That Moment

[NightskyeB4Dawn]

I suppose everyone's situation is different. Right now my situation is truly all together just fucked up and not really salvage worthy. I am not seeking drugs or alcohol, I can't afford that shit either. I need like god or buddah or some shit.

Every one is different and everyone's situation either reflects or creates the choices we make. What we remember is a bit tricky sometimes. Memory is often so intertwined with emotions that what you remember and what another experiencing the same situation, may describe the same event completely differently.

I know that I have a tendency to overthink the simplest of things. My Mother used to say to me when I was child that I could never sit and accept anything. She said I worried about everything, and the words that came our of my mouth most often was, "Why?", and "What If?"

I have not changed much in all those years. My wheels are turning all the time, and the moment something does not make sense, all the gears come to a screeching halt. I cannot move pass that point until it either makes sense of it, or I have come to the conclusion that it is nonsense.

I think being the oldest of us ten children, and being responsible for them, because both my parents worked odd hour jobs, I am sure is what carved out some of the issues I developed in my mind and psyche.

I remember many things with clarity. Like @ChiefD, the memory can be so strong I can see everything as if it is right in front of me. I can even remember the smells. But the memories are more for me, like watching a movie. A movie that I can't see myself in.

Strangest thing is that I can do that with books. I can so immerse, that I can see, smell, and touch. I can completely immerse myself in a good book, but I can't do that with my own actual memories. Weird huh?