A game of chess, pr'aps?

[IAMTAT]

Let's get ready to Rummmmmmmmmmmmmmble...for some chess!

I volunteer to be the official kibbitzer.

Is hitting your opponent with a chair appropriate for a chess match?

Asking for "DeathFace The Slayer".

ONLY if he makes a bald joke about your wife.

What if my wife makes a bald joke about me?

Just GLARE at her.

...and by that I mean, shine a light on your head and temporarily blind her.