The year 2020 hit me in the form of a bus this time

[drussell41]

Hello ladies and gentlemen and others.

So I made a promise to @Snarl to write a thread about my experience of getting hit by a bus. And here we go, due to endless coffee stash and endless amount of time.

PHASE 1: Before the accident. Impact.

Friday 21st of August. Morning.
Prohibition ended. Alcohol sales from grocery stores is not allowed in Finland from 9PM to 9AM. And i never go to bars or night clubs where it can be bought later. My friend was at work, and also in the middle of the process of moving into a different apartment. I have his keys, he has mine. And i already had been doing stuff like washing all his dishes and cleaning up the whole kitchen. And internet connection had been terminated from his old apartment and i never watch TV. He still had that old apartment rented for the duration of August, and i had been using it as a kind of a safe haven from everything, first and foremost the internet. I can't stay offline if i am at home, maybe i am an addict i don't know. I had just been sitting on his couch and drinking beer and blasting my mp3 player and staring at the wall a lot recently then. So i asked "anything i can do to help your move today?" and he mentioned the scratching posts and another climbing spots of the cats should be brought down. I asked where are his tools, and he said that he has new spots for the cats at the new place, and the old ones can be torn apart by hands. I was like "cool".

So i left my home at around 9AM, bought 3 cans of beer from a nearby shop, and drank them away as i walked to another shop close to his place. From there, i bought 12 more beers. I went to his place, sat down, played music via headphones and drank. Serenity. Slight buzz. I was relieved that i can't see corona stuff anywhere now, even if i wanted to (which i never do) After about 10 beers i was thinking "cool, let's break stuff with a permission" so i smashed the cat spots and it was not as easy as i thought. Plenty of cursing, plenty of water also, it was a hot day. Eventually i had the cat spots torn apart on the floor and i made a neat pile of the rubble to the corner of the room. 1 beer left, out of 15 so far in total. Felt like this is a pleasant, regular Friday buzz. But i still had almost 30 euros of cold hard cash left, and i left the final beer to the fridge, so i will have a cold one when i return from the shop again with another 15 beers. Left my mp3 player there. My tobacco also.

I had to cross a road once. I saw a bus approaching. I was like "fuck that bus, i can make it easily" error in estimation there... BOOM! front left corner of the bus hit me, and i hit the asphalt after some air-time. It didn't hurt. But it was really a BOOM! like my whole body was one huge ear, or i have a hundred ears, all over my body, and someone fired a shotgun right next to me. So i open my eyes, i see gray asphalt. Thinking to myself "Well, that was fucked up, better get my beers now and forget all about this shit" So i put my left hand on the asphalt and tried to get up, and the hand betrayed me and i was flat on the asphalt again. There were some big foreign gentlemen nearby, and they carried me away from the driveway, sitting on the grass nearby.

PHASE 2: The paramedics, police, and the staring crowd.

Very soon there was a pleasant paramedic lady next to me. And a big crowd of random people just staring at me. I shouted to the crowd "Someone sell me a cigarette right now, i will give you 2 euros. If 2 euros is not enough, i will give you everything i have in my possession at this moment in time, except my lighter" Some dude stepped forward and gave me a cigarette, but wanted nothing in return. The paramedic said "I don't recommend smoking now, because you are in a state of shock" I replied "If i don't smoke now, that is when the real state of shock is going to begin." And lit it up. Soon i was carried to the ambulance, i was unable to reserve any weight on my left leg. Ambulance side door was open and a policeman came to talk. I gave my ID and he said that "you are charged with endangerment of traffic, do you admit guilt?" Since i was about 10 meters or 33 feet away from a crosswalk, the case was clear, and i admitted guilt. A fine is going to arrive in the mail later.

PHASE 3: The emergency care unit, the elderly lady haunted by demons and shy peeing.

Ambulance took me to emergency care unit which was packed. Friday and everything, last days of summer going on... They injected all kinds of stuff into my veins and i was just on the bed there, wall behind me, curtains to the left, curtains to the right, curtains to the front. I was able to turn on my right side (can't do that now... must have been the shit i was injected with) and tried to pee into a plastic bottle with more or less success. They measured 2.4 per mill of alcohol from me, and since it all came from beer, the need to urinate was frequent. And an elderly lady shouted ALL the time... I know rogue nation is relaxed, when it comes to rules, but i will cut some really awful parts of her speech off, because i, myself, feel more comfortable writing this that way. She was like "Satan... satan... satan" for a couple of minutes in a row, then "Oh my God i am going to die" Then "Hell... hell... hell" for a couple of minutes in a row, then "Oh my God i am going to die" for a couple of minutes followed by completely strange gibberish, and this continued for hours and hours. And i was there with my dick inside a plastic bottle, trying to overcome my own mind... breathing techniques, micro-meditation and stuff... It was insane, all of it. Then they took me to x-rays, and i had to change bed, they transferred me with some kind of linen and i was literally like "FUCK! SHIT! GOD DAMN!" followed by an immediate apology, and i said that this verbal behavior is not directed towards the medical staff here, i know you try to help me. This profanity is directed towards my pain. Then i was put in a some kind of a humming device with flashing lights and stuff, i had to hold my breath at times when commanded, and i was so warm, too hot, they warned me beforehand. It was this thing called "Contrast agent" running through my veins at that time. Really strange taste of metal in my mouth. Diagnose was broken arm and broken hip. Bruises of course. Not even a tiny scratch to my head, what the hell is up with that...?

PHASE 4: Trauma ward, the morning after, and going home.

So i was sent to the trauma ward for the night. The doctor there said that i can eat a little bit now, we have sandwiches and milkshakes and stuff. Then it is just liquids into you, because tomorrow there is going to be an emergency surgery to your hip. She asked me about my diet, i said that i am a lacto-ovo-vegetarian, and i asked for a milkshake and got one. It was delicious. Strawberry and vanilla i think. Then i was carried to a room and it was ALL FOR ME! ahh the pleasure of calm peeing... But the clock on the wall kept ticking... and ticking... and TICKING... i could have pressed a button to alert a nurse but i thought that i have bothered them enough for one day, and tried to sleep. Slept for an hour, an hour and a half maybe. In the morning, a nurse came to inform me that a surgery is not needed. The bones are aligned really well, even when broken. Then i got a new nicotine patch to my shoulder and also these nicotine pills to put under my tongue. Then breakfast. Coffee, bread, cheese, cucumber and porridge. And after that, a physiotherapist came to give me instructions how to do muscle training. I asked when am i allowed to go home? He said that when you can make it out of bed, to the bathroom, and back to bed on your own. I did that right away, slowly like a snail, crying like a little girl who's favorite doll has been taken away. I was put in a wheelchair, wheelchair and me into a big taxi, and then home.

PHASE 5: The aftermath, some thoughts that have surfaced, and the present moment.

Exactly two weeks have gone by now since my accident, as i write this. And exactly two weeks without a drop of alcohol. First of all, i need maximum balance and maximum focus just to move with my walking stick. A broken hip usually requires two walking sticks but since my left arm is broken, i drag myself around with one. And anyway, for the time being, fuck beer. This feels like a final warning. You know, some person might overdo some shots once, while out at the bars, and end up in jail to sober up for the night. Then the person contemplates "maybe i drink too much" and then the person re-adjusts behavior. Someone might hear from a friend or a relative or other close person "Maybe you drink too much" and then the drinker re-adjusts behavior. And then there are people... who need to get hit by a bus before any serious thinking emerges to the surface. What do i want from my life? What i don't want from my life? There are no winners here. Unless the theories about entities out there, who use human suffering as their force of life, are true. Broken relationships. Broken mind. Broken bones. What the fuck? I need to turn the page, before the book of my life is closed for good and forgotten for all eternity.

Thank you if you had the endurance to read this and special thanks to all beautiful souls at Rogue Nation who have supported me during my struggle (Shoutbox). I love you and i owe you.

-Fin

PS. If the roof above my head collapses, and smashes my skull, before i post this thread now, i SWEAR i am not going to be surprised one bit. 2020.

Geez, Finn.   I wish it hadn't happened. I hope your recovery goes well and quickly. Yeah, the whole experience could be a warning of sorts.

On the old lady and her ravings:   I experienced something like that twice while hospitalized.   I was starting to have thoughts of homicide during the one hospitalization.   She was up all night screaming, "Lord have mercy!", but then slept all day.  "Would being suffocated with a pillow count as mercy because, lady, I'm about there." (I know: very far from a good thought.) Still can't believe the staff didn't take care of her better than that--give her something to sleep, something to help with pain, etc.

On the other, she was psychotic and re-enacting a horrible rape scene over and over.   "But the doctors say she's safe."   "As if they've never been wrong.  Get me out of here."  Thank God (literally) for my husband coming down to advocate for me.