How to get to Heaven from Ireland

[dadmansabode]

Heaven is a liter of good whisky and a dear friend to drink it with, heaven is good food with good friends and a good whisky, heaven is what you make it as long as it has whisky. Hell is the next morning when you have to go to work and there is no whisky.

Man, have you ever got some surprises coming 

the rich man and Lazarus 

a testimony of one surprised to be in Hell .. part 1 of 5 .. Recorded Apr 23 2006 

a testimony of one surprised to be in Hell .. part 2 of 5 .. Recorded Apr 30 2006 

a testimony of one surprised to be in Hell .. part 3 of 5 .. Recorded May 07 2006 

a testimony of one surprised to be in Hell .. part 4 of 5 .. Recorded May 14 2006 

a testimony of one surprised to be in Hell .. part 5 of 5 .. Recorded May 21 2006 

Matthew 16:19 .. Jesus: now there was a rich man .. and he habitually dressed in purple and fine linen .. joyously living in splendor every day
16:20 .. and a poor man named Lazarus was laid at his gate .. covered with sores
16:21 .. and longing to be fed with the crumbs which were falling from the rich man’s table .. besides .. even the dogs were coming and licking his sores
16:22 .. now the poor man died and was carried away by the angels to Abraham’s bosom .. and the rich man also died and was buried
16:23 .. In Hades he lifted up his eyes .. being in torment .. and saw Abraham far away and Lazarus in his bosom
16:24 .. and he cried out and said . . . Father Abraham .. have mercy on me .. and send Lazarus so that he 
......... may dip the tip of his finger in water and cool off my tongue .. 
......... for I am in agony in this flame
16:25 .. but Abraham said . . . child .. remember that during your life you received your good things .. and likewise Lazarus bad things .. 
......... but now he is being comforted here .. and you are in agony
16:26 .. and besides all this .. between us and you there is a great chasm fixed .. so that those who wish to come over from here to you will not be able .. 
......... and that none may cross over from there to us
16:27 .. and he said . . . then I beg you .. father .. that you send him to my father’s house
16:28 .. for I have five brothers .. in order that he may warn them .. so that they will not also come to this place of torment
16:29 .. but Abraham said . . . they have Moses and the Prophets .. let them hear them
16:30 .. but he said . . . no .. father Abraham .. but if someone goes to them from the dead .. they will repent
16:31 .. but he said to him . . . If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets .. they will not be persuaded even if someone rises from the dead

Full context