03-23-2022, 12:32 AM
(03-22-2022, 10:30 PM)guohua Wrote: @"TDDA"
Very well explained I think.
I have mentioned to @"Freija" I believe her Spirit wanted to return fast and accepted the first Fetus He was offered and it turned out to be Male.
My ancestors (my belief is Ancestor Worship) tell me you can not just change who or your Spirit Is (Sexually).
It is my understanding that True Bisexuals (not the ones that play at it because it is the new fad) are the product of your Spirit accepting willingly to return as life life as either male or female.
Okay, Sorry, JMHO
This concept is not unknown to me and I had similar thoughts while I wrote the reply above. My mother used to say that she is proud that we (I had a brother) chose to be of their offspring. It was her believe that we can chose the time and parents. For a while after their death, the memory of her saying that made me very angry inside. I scoffed it away as her talking herself into being a good mother for us. To justify some of her parenting methods. The thought that I chose this life and knew beforehand what I would face and still accepted it was like a punch to the face followed by cold water.
I've been through so much physical pain since then, it's like I attract it. People have been telling me before twice now I should write a book or have done a movie on me. And that fucking hurts on top of it because it makes me want to justify and explain myself. A situation I was brought into after abuse by an adult when I was a child. As if it was my fault and constantly being checked on did not really gave me the feeling of being loved or trusted. It's like an never ending cycle. When my daughter was born the anesthesia tube slipped and I told them I can feel their fingers on my belly. I was not believed, after 30h of labor I wasn't even trusting my own body feelings. And then they cut into me, I fainted and thought it's over. I woke up and got shit from a lot of nurses that banded with the midwife that messed up a check and told me to "calm down" in hour 20. The hospital completely hid it, there was no mention in the medical letters that took months to be produced and sent to me.
The thought that I chose this is just insane. BUT. In the years after this happened, since my daughter was born I thought about it further. I thought, damn! What if? What if I knew all this before and chose it? What if I already got my share of shitpile in life and things may at some point begin to get better? I talk about sickness and pain, I can't complain as in, I always had a dry bed and enough to eat except for that time it was my own fault.
Yeah what if we can chosoe? Of course we have no way to determine why, because we don't know what lessons we learned or did not learn in earlier lifes. Was it luxury? Maybe something for balance. Warlord before? Maybe take it slow this time? There is a neat little telling I need to bring up and it goes like this, no matter if you believe in a God, no God, energies of nature (I do), the concept is what delivers the point:
It can be a bit different told depending on what to highlight.
A person dies and is in front of God. "Do I go to heaven?", the person asks. "This is up to you, but you can not stay here you need to go back."
"But I just died, back to where?" "This is up to you and the question is less "where" but "when". How about Ireland 1600? Seychelles 2349?"
"I don't understand, what's the point of this?"
"Everyone in life you ever met, hurt, helped, cheated on, eased pain, it was all you doing it to yourself."
"WHY???"
"So you can one day become like me"
alternative
"So you can grow beyond yourself".
Besides the blasphemous part where it's about becoming a God, the concept of this is whole in a sense that I can not find a second example. We say life is not fair. And damn it isn't when I just think about starving children. On the other hand, it becomes fair, once it's all you. What can not be balanced throughout one life, will be over the course of billions of iterations living life on Earth.
I want to close this post by addressing that I do not seek pitty or treatment like a raw egg. Or be perceived tough or strong because of that. When I disclose and write things like above it is always only to give as much context about what I write. Because, loop back... to old justification thing. I just noticed while typing. Here we are lol. But I am leaving it like that to bring over the point.