Extreme grief, and beyond.

[NightskyeB4Dawn]

And in the end the Police threw up their hands and finally told His  Sister who was trying to persue this as murder that "You buy and take illegal drugs, you sometimes get what you have comming," deserved or not.

And you know, he was right. Though that does nothing to console the sister or mother. And I agree..... though I would never be so coarse and heartless as to put it in words.

I can truly empathize with you. One of my closest friends just notified me that her husband's brother was murdered a few days ago. I only met him once, and he seemed like a really nice guy. 

Her husband won't be able to leave the country to be with his family so that makes it really hard on everyone.

I look around me and my house is a mess. There is so much that needs to be done, I just don't have the motivation in me to get it done.

I know I am not depressed. I have never really had clinical depression, but I have worked with enough people to recognize it if I see it. 

What I have is more like weltschmerz and or ennui.

I am just tired. Tired of the all the drama, the bull crap, the dissension, the world. Tired of the separation that breeds selfishness and makes isolation desirable and normal.

I know it is part of the plan. Apathy and apostasy are huge factors in making their plan work, to change the world.

I thought I was strong enough to not let them change me. I am not so sure I am strong enough anymore.

You are not alone in this battle. Many of us are going through similar things. We understand, and hopefully we can find support in each other.