08-05-2020, 11:26 AM
Several of us local retired pilots were asked to address a high school gathering put on by the local PTA.
I was the only speaker to show up so I had the stage to myself. I talked about staying in school, getting good grades and all that usual bullshit; and since I had plenty of time because those other guys didn't show, I threw it open for questions. The last one asked was, "Can you give us a couple of your life's philosophical beliefs?"
I said, "That's an easy one. Looking back over my 7 decades, I believe I've spent close to 90% of my earnings on booze and whores. The rest I just wasted." I was escorted out without getting to finish my last two rules to live by
1) If it flies, floats, or fucks: it's cheaper to rent it.
2) If it's got tits or tires: you're gonna have problems with it.
I hope they invite me back next year so I can finish. They need to know this stuff!
I was the only speaker to show up so I had the stage to myself. I talked about staying in school, getting good grades and all that usual bullshit; and since I had plenty of time because those other guys didn't show, I threw it open for questions. The last one asked was, "Can you give us a couple of your life's philosophical beliefs?"
I said, "That's an easy one. Looking back over my 7 decades, I believe I've spent close to 90% of my earnings on booze and whores. The rest I just wasted." I was escorted out without getting to finish my last two rules to live by
1) If it flies, floats, or fucks: it's cheaper to rent it.
2) If it's got tits or tires: you're gonna have problems with it.
I hope they invite me back next year so I can finish. They need to know this stuff!
'Cause if they catch you in the back seat trying to pick her locks
They're gonna send you back to Mother in a cardboard box
You better run!