Ongoing puberty suppression should be an available treatment option for non-binary ad

[Freija]

Ummm... I self-identify as a large black Dire Wolf, and am therefore the last living representative of my species on your planet. It's a very lonely existence. Will that work?

It’s not for me to judge but if you have fleas, ticks, rabies, bite or pee on my furniture, I’ll probably not be asking you over for a beer. At least you’re not a cat and I will respect your canine pronouns.  

In all honesty, this "self identification" trap is some bullshit. You either ARE something, or you ain't, and "Self identification" means nothing. It's just an invented mess that has recently come on to the scene just to confuse folks and make them look small when they don't get right with the program. For example, you are a woman. You don't "self-identify" as a woman, you just ARE one. I'm a simple man, with a simple mind, and that is how I keep everything straight in my own world.

I must be simple too because I see things the same way and it all seems kind of silly to me. I don’t “identify” as what I am, I just am. Why everyone needs some special label escapes me? I’ve been given a label I never asked for or wanted and one I don’t use except in conversations like this one.

When the term “self identification” is used, that is actually something different than the “I identify as” crap as it is a legal thing that trans activist in the UK are pushing for. What that means specifically is being able to change your gender/sex on legal documents just on say so without any kind medical oversight or treatment. I think this is a crappy idea. Self-ID is available in several US states like Kalifornia as you might expect and legal in Ireland, Malta, Norway, Argentina, Portugal and Belgium. Within the transgender lexicon, I am what they call a truscum or a trans-medicalist as a pejorative because I don’t believe you can be trans without gender dysphoria which requires a medical diagnosis and not just somebody claiming what they are because of their feelz.

A phrase that confuses me to no end is "trans-woman" or "trans-man". I don't know how to unpack those phrases, is that person a man who became a woman, or a woman who became a man, or vice-versa?

It does seem a bit counterintuitive but the term is meant to be representative of what a trans person has transitioned into and presents as. Therefore, trans women are biologically male that transition to be women and trans men are biological females that transition to live as men. Technically, I am considered a trans woman but that is not a description I use for myself or something I am seen as. I am just a woman first and foremost but one of trans experience/history is how I prefer to put it if I have to put it at all.

What bearing does "trans" have on life in the real world? What does what one WAS matter in what one now IS?

Well, for the majority of trans folks, being trans as you can imagine, especially for those who are visibly trans or for those that go through transition publicly like while still on the same job for example it is a pretty big deal because it is something that upsets a lot of people. It can lead to discrimination in housing and employment and a person can face hostility and prejudice. There can be legal issues involved too like getting correct documents and people generally take several years getting through the process. Then there’s the whole social matter of being possibly rejected by your friends, family and parents that most struggle with and can often be heartbreaking not to mention that those that medically transition, depending on how much they need to do to calm their distress, have to deal with doctors and hormones and surgeries and hair removal or a double mastectomy and how to pay for it all.

The majority (80%+) of transgender people do not have bottom or genital reconstruction surgery which alone costs $18,000 to $25,000  for male to female in the US so many go to Thailand where it is considerably cheaper but has higher logistical costs. Female to male lower surgery can cost upwards of $100,000 as it is considerably more involved and takes a series of surgeries for phalloplasty. Facial hair removal can cost $10 to $20K and take several years of laser and painful electrolysis and most MtF’s go for a breast augmentation costing $6,000 to $8,000 and many also go for brutal facial feminization surgery that can cost $35,000 to $50,000 and for those that do opt for surgeries there’s the pain and recovery thing so all in all, it has a great bearing in the real world for the people that go through all this.For some, being trans in an identity in and of itself.

Why can we not simplify and see what is, and ignore what was?

That’s a good question but this is something most people can’t get past. This is especially true if someone’s gender is ambiguous or called into question. For a lot of men insecure about their masculinity or sexuality, should they be attracted to a trans woman, they can question their own heterosexuality  and become very uncomfortable.

I was fortunate in more than a few ways. I started off as small and girlish and looked like a girl to begin with and was feminine by nature and in manner. My parents legally changed my name while I was still a minor and had the records sealed way back in 1972 so I don’t have much of a paper trail to haunt me and since I’d only recently begun natal puberty when I started taking cross-sex hormones at 17, my body never really masculinized that much and stayed on the small side (I’m 5’5½” tall) and while I had some peachfuzz I had zapped off, I never had terminal facial hair or had to shave and on HRT, my hips grew wide and I developed breasts and I have had and still have long hair since I was eight or nine. It was simply impractical for me to live as a boy but this is not the case for most trans people and I am kind of the exception of the rule particularly for those of my generation. I’ve never been, lived as or been socialized as a man and don’t know what that’s like. Even people that do know I was born male see me only as a girl/woman as that’s all I’ve known.

The vast majority of trans people do not transition until later in life, usually somewhere between 35 and 45 years old long after puberty and becoming fully masculine and unless they spend the $100,000 on surgeries are often visibly trans and face a lot of social and emotional consequences for it.

I'd be a great deal happier if folks would just come out and say what they ARE, and leave out the confusing qualifier of "trans" out of the matter altogether.

Sorry for the bad stereotype and visual but if a 6’2" fifty year old with broad shoulders, a deep voice and a heavy masculine build with a poorly concealed 5 o’clock shadow comes out and tells you they are a woman are you going to buy it and just accept them for who they say they are? That’s admirable but chances are you might not be as accepting as you think you might be? Just sayn’. I honestly don’t know why anyone would want to announce their transness unless it is impossible to not pass as their target gender.  

In general, among acquaintances, I don't need to know what was in order to process what is unless there is intimacy on the horizon and I might encounter unexpected plumbing. Now THAT might start a lively conversation!

Transgender people with “unexpected plumbing” are encouraged to disclose their status upfront. Don’t confuse them with “traps” that are usually cross-dressing gay males.

Well, I AM a Conservative, but an old-school Conservative, not one of these Neocons who try to pass off their Marxist BS as "Conservative", and who have come to represent conservatism in the last few years to the point that younger folks think they somehow ARE conservative when they are not. That may not make much sense to many folks, so it may be easier to say I'm a Conservative as conservatives were 200 years ago. We don't care who you are, or what we can get from you or make you do. We are content to live our lives, and for you to live yours, as each of us see fit to do.

This is all beyond me because I’m not very much of a political person however to me, what passes as conservative today is pretty much anti-LGBTx as part of the Republican platform and is overly concerned what people do in their bedrooms or to their bodies.

That's why I don't understand the members of the LGBTQXYZ community who feel a need to throw it in your face - the "this is what I am, and you WILL like it!" sort of thing. I don't care what they are, and I don't have to like anything. Is it not enough that I accept it, and get on with my own life and leave them to get on with theirs? WHY must I LIKE it? After all, if I'm not involved in it, it ain't none of my business. It makes no sense to my simple mind.

I can’t really answer that because I am not involved with the alphabet community. I don’t think they want you to LIKE it, just to know that they exist and want to be treated fairly and equally. I know many of them feel the same way about heterosexuality being constantly shoved down their throats at every turn and are tired of being marginalized for being different. I’m not the right person to ask about this but when it comes to radical loud-mouthed in-your-face trans activists, I wish they would all shut the hell up.

I'm a redneck, of the hillbilly sort, and don't hate anyone for simply existing. We've all got that right, the right to exist unmolested. Now, I may get pretty frustrated with folks when their political ideology overrides and attempts to force conquest of my own, but that's a horse of a different color from mere existence. Simple existence is not a problem - it's when folks try to force me into their own mold that problems develop, as then they are questioning MY existence. If I ain't questioning theirs, they need to be leaving mine alone, too.

Someone is trying to force you into being gay or trans? I’m not sure I understand? I’m a live and let live person too unless somebody comes after me then watch out. I’m armed and dangerous!  

I can understand that. Those Heinz-57 types also threaten YOUR existence, trying to force folks like you out into the open where they become vulnerable to the whims of lesser folk, and that ain't cool. Live and let live, let folks just be folks. There is no reason to force an agenda down someone else's throat, unless the forcer is somehow insecure in their own skin and needs validation from outside themselves. To be brutally honest, they won't find that here - the moment they try to force an agenda on me is the instant they won't get acceptance of their agenda. It's theirs, not mine. I've got my own troubles to deal with, ain't got time for theirs.

No, forcing anything on anyone is not cool and I’m not trying to force anything on anyone here. I know a lot of folks don’t like people like me and that’s their prerogative just like a lot of folks don’t like blacks or Mexicans or Muslims or whatever and I’m not out to force or change anyone’s mind or beliefs. My only agenda is to shed some light and bring some information about folks like me that maybe because they didn’t know about these things, some might have more information about the subject to have better informed opinions. I can present information, what you do with it is up to you.

Well, since you brought it up, I do have to wonder about the interpersonal relationships aspect of life. I just cannot fathom how that conversation goes, how one navigates that minefield, as I've never had to deal with it. I wouldn't even begin to know how to.

Yeah, you and me both and how I have dealt with has evolved a bit over the years. I don’t have to tell anyone if I don’t want to. I can get naked and have sex like any other woman and I have done that in the past and not mentioned it but I am not one to have hookups without an emotional connection and getting to know someone really well first.

Thirty-five + years ago when I met my husband, a rough and tough heavy line dealership mechanic and a redneck and kind of a bigot and homophobe himself, we had been friends for a year and I had been sleeping with him for a couple of months and hadn’t told him because it wasn’t important but realizing I was really falling in love with this idiot and this was something serious with a future, I knew sooner or later I would have to tell him. I wouldn't want to hide something that was a pretty big factor in my life from some I loved or have them find out from someone else first.

Of course, your first thought is that they’re immediately going to dump you with the second thought they might react badly and beat the shit out of you or just flat out kill you so one evening I screwed up my courage and immediately broke down in tears crying like a baby because this is something difficult for me to deal with and I needed to know if I was going to lose him before becoming more invested in our relationship.

I simply told him the short version of what I’ve posted here – that I was born male but grew up to be a girl and had an operation to fix things and he didn’t even get it at first. I thought for a minute I was going to have to get crayons and draw a picture but once it did click, he got pretty quiet and didn’t say much and was kind of in shock. Since I had been so emotional and crying like no tomorrow, he picked me up and carried me to bed and held me until I cried myself to sleep. We got up the next morning and headed off to work saying very little and avoiding eye contact.

I figured that was it and we were done and I was completely heartbroken and crushed. I felt he was the one that had to figure things out and I gave him space and left him alone feeling completely devastated and mad at the moon for the fucked up way I was born and was mentally and emotionally wrecked especially after three  weeks and I hadn’t heard a word from him.

Then he called me at work late one afternoon and because he's an asshole, he said playfully “Hey bitch! Where the hell you been at? Get over here and make me a sammich right now!”  I totally lost it and in tears, I left work right then and went straight to his house. It was like nothing ever happened. Sometime thereafter, we got married and I was with him for the next 12 years of my life. He was and still is a great guy. Although he has remarried to someone 15 years younger than me and it was 23 years ago that we got divorced, him and his wife are still a part of my life and treat me like family. In fact, since January I’m living in the house he still owns but doesn’t live in that I lived in when we were married. I think that’s pretty cool.

In one of the 5-year live-in relationships I was in after that, I was with the person for two years before it came up and all I got was a “Wow! Really?” and other than filling in a few details over the next few years, it was never an issue and something that just wasn’t important.

How I would handle it now, I really don’t know and it all depends? If one of these guys I’ve been hanging out with at the bar and have gotten to know well the last 3 or 4 years would suddenly show an interest, I would probably have the talk with them before starting a relationship to avoid the disappointment of being rejected if it was a big deal for them. Sometimes I think I’d rather wait until having sex with them for a while would make them more likely to not care but I just don’t know?

I know some people might see this as deceptive or guilt by omission but why should I have to disclose a medical condition I had corrected well more than four decades ago when I’ve never been anything but a woman my entire adult life? It is a quandary and probably why I haven’t been involved with anyone for the last 12 or 13 years.

Thank you so much for your comments and questions and for the opportunity to talk about these things. Sorry for talking so much! :smalleyeroll: