Thread Rating:
  • 2 Vote(s) - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Of Deer, Cold, and Drunken Women
#1
I apologize ahead of time for this one. I need to get it off my chest. It has to do with good deeds, small towns, and retaliation. I appreciate your kind indulgence. 

I live in a rural area. My nearest neighbor is 1/4 mile away. It is quiet with lots of wildlife. I do my best to cultivate natural surroundings and provide that which an agricultural field and wood lot (it's former incarnation) could not. After 8-9 years here, it is looking pretty nice. All kinds of wildlife and native plants. I feed the birds and squirrels with sunflower seeds and a little corn in the winter. We have deer winter over in our little valley because it is sheltered and there is forage. 

Important note to this story: it is illegal to feed deer in my state. If a deer comes to eat some of the food for the birds or squirrels, the law does not care your intent. You are feeding the deer which is illegal. $348 citation for one kernel of corn on the ground. Never mind there is a mile long corn field directly across the road from us. Don't go looking for logic in conservation laws, there is none. 

However, for 8-9 years we have steered clear of any problems with the conservation officers. Not a peep about anything. This is a critical point to my upcoming conspiracy theory. 

*Break in the story 1* Last night my wife and I were coming home from town. The wind chill was below zero and lots of snow. We come across a car in the creek bottom. Big time in the ditch. Messed up vehicle. We stop to see if anyone is in there. There was. Turned out to be one of our more distant neighbors. She was "sleeping" in the front seat. She seemed really out of it. Another car had stopped and had called 911. It took some coaxing but we got here out of the car and into ours where it was warm. We proceeded to take her home all the while making additional contact with 911 to let them know what was going on. Under other circumstances, we would have just waited there. But it was bitterly cold, she was shivering, and she live less than a mile away. 

When I spoke to the deputy over the phone, he asked if she was drunk. I have no way to verify if she is or if she isn't. I am guessing she is but she could have hit her head on the steering wheel sliding into the ditch. She could be missing medication. I have no clue. All I could think was "Dude, why don't you come check? I told you where we were and who she was. Kind of your job right?" I said I did not know, which was truthful. No one has yet called or showed up to take my statement. All she said the whole way home was don't call 911. Never mind that bridge had been crossed by the other guy who stopped. She is a piece of work. Upon arriving at here home, her husband didn't even want to speak to her. Not a happy home. 

*Break in the story 2* This afternoon we had what looked like a police vehicle pull in the yard. I figured they were finally here to take my statement. Nope. Conservation Warden. He gives me a warning about feeding deer. I have no doubt he will come back tomorrow and write me the citation. All it takes is one kernel on the ground somewhere in 10 acres. 

Conspiracy Theory: Neighbor who we took home so she didn't freeze to death was upset the police got called. She did not know the other guy but she knew us. The Conservation Warden (who we have never seen in almost a decade) randomly shows up less than 24 hours after the affair on my property looking to fine me for some serious piddly BS with a not so piddly price tag. 

I have no proof there is any connection between her drunken foray into the creek bottom and the CW showing up at my place (it was -20 today by the way) less than 24 hours apart. But what are the odds?


Messages In This Thread
Of Deer, Cold, and Drunken Women - by ABNARTY - 01-07-2022, 11:50 PM
RE: Of Deer, Cold, and Drunken Women - by 727Sky - 01-08-2022, 10:00 AM
RE: Of Deer, Cold, and Drunken Women - by ABNARTY - 01-08-2022, 06:59 PM
RE: Of Deer, Cold, and Drunken Women - by Ninurta - 01-08-2022, 09:56 PM
RE: Of Deer, Cold, and Drunken Women - by ABNARTY - 01-10-2022, 02:33 AM
RE: Of Deer, Cold, and Drunken Women - by ABNARTY - 01-08-2022, 06:57 PM
RE: Of Deer, Cold, and Drunken Women - by Kenzo - 01-10-2022, 08:43 AM
RE: Of Deer, Cold, and Drunken Women - by ABNARTY - 01-10-2022, 09:57 PM
RE: Of Deer, Cold, and Drunken Women - by kdog - 01-11-2022, 03:48 AM
RE: Of Deer, Cold, and Drunken Women - by ABNARTY - 01-11-2022, 05:14 AM
RE: Of Deer, Cold, and Drunken Women - by Ninurta - 01-11-2022, 10:28 AM
RE: Of Deer, Cold, and Drunken Women - by ABNARTY - 01-11-2022, 04:53 PM
RE: Of Deer, Cold, and Drunken Women - by kdog - 01-11-2022, 05:35 AM

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)