Those kind of "friends"

[GeauxHomeLittleD]

I got a text a few days ago from a friend I haven't heard from in about a year. She said "We need to meet up for lunch soon!" Now mind you- we used to meet up with a group of mutual friends for a liquored up lunch every now and then so not completely unusual. We put a stop to it because of all the drama that ensued. I wont go into details but ending the once every 2-3 months get togethers really was a good thing, especially for me- you can save your drama for your mama!

Since I was hoping maybe she just wanted to meet up for a one-on-one lunch and not the usual circus I texted her back and said "Sure, just hit me up after the holiday and let me know" meaning when and where she wanted to meet up. I didn't have to wait long!

I woke up to a text from her that she had apparently sent as soon as she hit the floor this morning. I learned really quick what her actual purpose was. She was having problems with her laptop and wanted me to fix it so she wouldn't have to pay a repairman. She remembered that one time I had let a mutual friend drop off her laptop with me and fixed it for her... 7 years ago!

She didn't get the reaction she expected. I asked what the laptop was doing, told her "Try this" and "Try that" and "If none of that works either take to a professional or go buy a new one!" She expected to be able to drop it off with me and come pick it up fixed and good as new. Not today sunshine!

I am not a computer repair person but I know enough to get by. I'm not going to wrack my brain (or Kdog's either for that matter) for somebody I haven't heard from for a year, and then only because she wants something.

With those kinds of "friends" I don't need any enemies!

Maybe I should have put this in the "Rant" section....

[F2d5thCav]

My wife and I have had discussions about the nature of friendship between adults.

Much of the time, unless one has had the person as a friend since childhood, the "friendships" seem to be based on perceptions of what one person can do for another, rather than any genuine affection.  In other words, they're business-oriented relationships whether they actually involve money or not.

I still have some friends from my work days (but only see them once every few years), as well as some people I knew when I was young (and I haven't seen them in decades, but we keep in touch).  My wife has one real friend from her high school days.  We've both tired of the other kind of "friends".  They're usually more frustration than their "companionship" is worth.

Cheers

[GeauxHomeLittleD]

My wife and I have had discussions about the nature of friendship between adults.

Much of the time, unless one has had the person as a friend since childhood, the "friendships" seem to be based on perceptions of what one person can do for another, rather than any genuine affection.  In other words, they're business-oriented relationships whether they actually involve money or not.

I still have some friends from my work days (but only see them once every few years), as well as some people I knew when I was young (and I haven't seen them in decades, but we keep in touch).  My wife has one real friend from her high school days.  We've both tired of the other kind of "friends".  They're usually more frustration than their "companionship" is worth.

Cheers

I have had the same best friend for nearly 43 years, since I was 12 years old. We grew up together, raised our children together and have passed all of life's major milestones together. There are many people I have known just as long but that doesn't make them true friends. If you only use each other for what you can do for each other in my book that is not a friend at all.

[VioletDove]

This has happened to my husband and I on a few occasions. One day we looked at each other after one of these kinds called as it had become clear they only called or came over when they wanted something. Then we started noticing it with other people too. They’d rarely call or even text and then out of nowhere they’d show up because their car was making noises or they had a dog they needed watched until they moved. We started cutting those people out of our lives and now only have one or two people we actually call friends.

[GeauxHomeLittleD]

This has happened to my husband and I on a few occasions. One day we looked at each other after one of these kinds called as it had become clear they only called or came over when they wanted something. Then we started noticing it with other people too. They’d rarely call or even text and then out of nowhere they’d show up because their car was making noises or they had a dog they needed watched until they moved. We started cutting those people out of our lives and now only have one or two people we actually call friends.

I can't say I blame you! Hubs and I have been doing the same.

It is amazing how fast you stop hearing from some people when you put a halt on the free services. Real friends don't care about what you can do for them, they only care about YOU! 

[VioletDove]

This has happened to my husband and I on a few occasions. One day we looked at each other after one of these kinds called as it had become clear they only called or came over when they wanted something. Then we started noticing it with other people too. They’d rarely call or even text and then out of nowhere they’d show up because their car was making noises or they had a dog they needed watched until they moved. We started cutting those people out of our lives and now only have one or two people we actually call friends.

I can't say I blame you! Hubs and I have been doing the same.

It is amazing how fast you stop hearing from some people when you put a halt on the free services. Real friends don't care about what you can do for them, they only care about YOU! 

Yes!

I used to be kind of sad about it but as time has gone on I think it may be better. Because even though we still do a lot of things separately it’s made my husband and I closer. Plus the alcohol supply lasts longer without greedy hands getting into your ice chest or liquor cabinet.

[F2d5thCav]

Plus the alcohol supply lasts longer without greedy hands getting into your ice chest or liquor cabinet.

Cheers

[kdog]

I have moved around so much, I have acquaintances, no true friends. I did have people I thought were my friends at work, but learned how quick that changed once something happened at work. I had this one buddy I worked with who I helped alot just out of the kindness of my heart, and he would invite us over to camp out on his land and go to parties . As soon as I went to a different company and could no longer help him, never heard from him again. 

But, that's ok. I got my best friend sitting next to me everyday, and that's all I need.

[727Sky]

In the last 11+ years I have a complete new group of friends who I play golf with both against and on teams. We are all there to work on our games and win if possible. I always tell them to bring money if they are wanting a game with me because I actually hate golf but I still have the urge to win and compete; the money ain't bad either !! I play 4 to 5 times a week which is like a job without benefits !

Being old and this thread made me think back to all my friends over the years. Most are dead now even the guys except for one that I played in bands with are now dead. The one is James and he has Alzheimer's which my bet is he will not last through 2022.

I lost my best Military bud at the beginning of this year. John and I had some great times the world over. Dad once said if you live long enough there will just be you.. He died at 93 this year. Ed my best stateside golfing and tennis buddy also passed a few months ago. I could go on but as long as their memory lives in me they really are not dead...?

I know maybe a hundred Caddies who are all nice to me as they want to caddie for Mr. ATM... Thais do not use their real names as most are to long and hard to say so they adopt a nick name they use throughout their life; Joy, Noke, Nit, Dang, Waun and many others are common. I know 5 Joys !!. Mine has always been ATM which I adopted the first time someone Thai asked my name. The only problem with the ATM name is someone is always poking me and trying to find a pin number that will work...

Someone once said that if you have had 5 real friends throughout your life then your life has been richer than most.

I had a dear friend tell me about her Russian girl friend. Victoria said if she pulled up to Julia's house with a dead body in the trunk of her car Julia's response would be where are we going to bury it." I guess you had to be there to get her real meaning..

[kdog]

In the last 11+ years I have a complete new group of friends who I play golf with both against and on teams. We are all there to work on our games and win if possible. I always tell them to bring money if they are wanting a game with me because I actually hate golf but I still have the urge to win and compete; the money ain't bad either !! I play 4 to 5 times a week which is like a job without benefits !

Being old and this thread made me think back to all my friends over the years. Most are dead now even the guys except for one that I played in bands with are now dead. The one is James and he has Alzheimer's which my bet is he will not last through 2022.

I lost my best Military bud at the beginning of this year. John and I had some great times the world over. Dad once said if you live long enough there will just be you.. He died at 93 this year. Ed my best stateside golfing and tennis buddy also passed a few months ago. I could go on but as long as their memory lives in me they really are not dead...?

I know maybe a hundred Caddies who are all nice to me as they want to caddie for Mr. ATM... Thais do not use their real names as most are to long and hard to say so they adopt a nick name they use throughout their life; Joy, Noke, Nit, Dang, Waun and many others are common. I know 5 Joys !!. Mine has always been ATM which I adopted the first time someone Thai asked my name. The only problem with the ATM name is someone is always poking me and trying to find a pin number that will work...

Someone once said that if you have had 5 real friends throughout your life then your life has been richer than most.

I had a dear friend tell me about her Russian girl friend. Victoria said if she pulled up to Julia's house with a dead body in the trunk of her car Julia's response would be where are we going to bury it." I guess you had to be there to get her real meaning..

Most, if not all of my childhood friends are dead. I have a few high school and college " friends" , but just acquaintances. Just not in a place in my life right now for new friends, and I am cool with that.

[Freija]

I have one of “those” friends but I think of her more as a non-friend friend as I’ve tried getting her out of my life several times but she keeps coming back like a recurrent rash. We’re now in another one of these uncertain coming after going cycles and it is driving me nuts.

I met her at the dive bar/heart of my social life where I’m a regular patron about four or five years ago. She’s 39 and I’ll be 67 at the beginning of January so on some levels, we have kind of a big sister/maternal figure dynamic but it is a lot more complicated than that.

I don’t make friends easily. I am a high IQ only child and basically an introvert with a totally unusual situation growing up disallowing me from most regular childhood and teenage experiences and normal socialization so I find those who were “normal” curiosities. She is the complete opposite and I find that interesting… Basically a WASP princess given everything in life, a outgoing social butterfly, captain of the high school cheerleading squad and former Cardinals cheerleader professionally, a “Daddy’s little girl” and as far as I’m concerned, lacking in life experience and emotionally immature who’s going to be in a world of hurt when she can’t get by on her looks anymore.

We still hit it off though. We both like to party and like music and at the bar mostly dominated by men, having another girl at your back as a wingmam initially bonded us. Something about her fascinated me. Maybe it was the naiveté of living a sheltered whitebread life I could only imagine, her psychological processes, the underlying masculinity of her hyper-feminine persona or her ability to attract hoards of male attention? She’s really pretty and a fun person to be around but is also superficial and lacking depth and when it does come to men, driven by her libido and dumb as a rock.

We started to become close about three years ago when against my warnings to both of them, she started dating one of my best guy friends that ultimately ended in the disaster I predicted it would be. She was at my house constantly crying on my shoulders and seeking my advice and counsel sleeping on my couch sometimes two, three or four days in a row and this went on for months so I really got to know her but we had some major and serious differences when it came to political leanings that continue to cause quite a row whenever we venture into that territory or overstep boundaries.

On one occasion after a night at the bar where I couldn’t believe the stupid shit coming out of her mouth, we had a monstrous fight where I called her a racist, bigoted and homophobic idiot and I angrily told her to get the fuck out of my car leaving her stranded on a street corner to walk home at 3:00 AM resulting in us not talking to each other for four months but inevitably over time, we both missed one another and encouraged by mutual friends, tentatively began talking again.

It wasn’t until shortly after then I told her of my transsexual history as a make or break way of adding depth to our friendship as this isn’t something I usually share with others but I wanted her to know some of her words and attitudes were troubling and wouldn’t be tolerated if we were to be friends going forward and let’s just say she got the message and it did bring us closer and as she’s a person that never stops talking and I already knew all her secrets and insecurities, it leveled the playing field so to speak.

For one reason or another we were on the outs again when Covid hit and being a work from home single person, I completely isolated myself from the outside world but she was going through yet another breakup and needed someone to cry to so I eventually let her back in as the only person in my bubble as I’m a sap and felt sorry for her and was lonely even though I had begun to get the feeling she was using me for support and comfort only when it was convenient. Being the older, wiser and more mature of the two, I let this happen feeling it did give me the sense of being needed and without having any other friends I’m as close to, it gave me a sense of intimacy sorely lacking in my life so we started hanging out again with her staying with me often.

Three or four months ago with her having yet another new beau she had moved in with, they were at my house for a night of food, shrooms, drinking and loud music when she got the ridiculous impression I was hitting on her boyfriend and they left in a huff after tense words were exchanged. I wrote her a letter telling her she was all too much for me and I wanted her and all her crazy constant drama out of my life and to leave me the hell alone. She obliged and we stopped communicating entirely until last week when guess what? She called me at 1:30 AM in tears and asked if I could come and get her because she broke up with yet another boyfriend. I was perturbed but not oblivious to a woman in distress so I went and got her.

Now she wants to know if she can stay with me for a few months? She’s got balls, I’ll give her that and I have to give her some credit for continually trying to be my friend every time I’ve blown her off but on the other hand, there’s always been something in it for her.

Adding to the complications of my friendship with her, I can’t say my feelings are entirely untinged by desire of some sort that I can’t really define that make me cave in when I should be strong. It’s one of those love/hate relationship kind of things. I’m not interested in her in a sexual way or anything but admit some additional degree of physical closeness tied into the emotional connection we have is something I think about as that is the only thing really lacking in my life and in spite of our ideological differences, emotionally there is no one else I am as close to as her as the guy I’ve been basically after for the last four years is emotionally unavailable and not interested in a relationship even though we see each other and hang out together at least once a week.

It seems nothing is ever simple? If I let her stay with me and end up feeling used or we end up at each other’s throat again, it will be the last time that’s for sure. My patience, kindness and generosity have been tested. This could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back but only time will tell? Her unpredictability is never ending as it seems is my gullibility for her neediness.

Damn. I feel pathetic sometimes.

[kdog]

I have one of “those” friends but I think of her more as a non-friend friend as I’ve tried getting her out of my life several times but she keeps coming back like a recurrent rash. We’re now in another one of these uncertain coming after going cycles and it is driving me nuts.

I met her at the dive bar/heart of my social life where I’m a regular patron about four or five years ago. She’s 39 and I’ll be 67 at the beginning of January so on some levels, we have kind of a big sister/maternal figure dynamic but it is a lot more complicated than that.

I don’t make friends easily. I am a high IQ only child and basically an introvert with a totally unusual situation growing up disallowing me from most regular childhood and teenage experiences and normal socialization so I find those who were “normal” curiosities. She is the complete opposite and I find that interesting… Basically a WASP princess given everything in life, a outgoing social butterfly, captain of the high school cheerleading squad and former Cardinals cheerleader professionally, a “Daddy’s little girl” and as far as I’m concerned, lacking in life experience and emotionally immature who’s going to be in a world of hurt when she can’t get by on her looks anymore.

We still hit it off though. We both like to party and like music and at the bar mostly dominated by men, having another girl at your back as a wingmam initially bonded us. Something about her fascinated me. Maybe it was the naiveté of living a sheltered whitebread life I could only imagine, her psychological processes, the underlying masculinity of her hyper-feminine persona or her ability to attract hoards of male attention? She’s really pretty and a fun person to be around but is also superficial and lacking depth and when it does come to men, driven by her libido and dumb as a rock.

We started to become close about three years ago when against my warnings to both of them, she started dating one of my best guy friends that ultimately ended in the disaster I predicted it would be. She was at my house constantly crying on my shoulders and seeking my advice and counsel sleeping on my couch sometimes two, three or four days in a row and this went on for months so I really got to know her but we had some major and serious differences when it came to political leanings that continue to cause quite a row whenever we venture into that territory or overstep boundaries.

On one occasion after a night at the bar where I couldn’t believe the stupid shit coming out of her mouth, we had a monstrous fight where I called her a racist, bigoted and homophobic idiot and I angrily told her to get the fuck out of my car leaving her stranded on a street corner to walk home at 3:00 AM resulting in us not talking to each other for four months but inevitably over time, we both missed one another and encouraged by mutual friends, tentatively began talking again.

It wasn’t until shortly after then I told her of my transsexual history as a make or break way of adding depth to our friendship as this isn’t something I usually share with others but I wanted her to know some of her words and attitudes were troubling and wouldn’t be tolerated if we were to be friends going forward and let’s just say she got the message and it did bring us closer and as she’s a person that never stops talking and I already knew all her secrets and insecurities, it leveled the playing field so to speak.

For one reason or another we were on the outs again when Covid hit and being a work from home single person, I completely isolated myself from the outside world but she was going through yet another breakup and needed someone to cry to so I eventually let her back in as the only person in my bubble as I’m a sap and felt sorry for her and was lonely even though I had begun to get the feeling she was using me for support and comfort only when it was convenient. Being the older, wiser and more mature of the two, I let this happen feeling it did give me the sense of being needed and without having any other friends I’m as close to, it gave me a sense of intimacy sorely lacking in my life so we started hanging out again with her staying with me often.

Three or four months ago with her having yet another new beau she had moved in with, they were at my house for a night of food, shrooms, drinking and loud music when she got the ridiculous impression I was hitting on her boyfriend and they left in a huff after tense words were exchanged. I wrote her a letter telling her she was all too much for me and I wanted her and all her crazy constant drama out of my life and to leave me the hell alone. She obliged and we stopped communicating entirely until last week when guess what? She called me at 1:30 AM in tears and asked if I could come and get her because she broke up with yet another boyfriend. I was perturbed but not oblivious to a woman in distress so I went and got her.

Now she wants to know if she can stay with me for a few months? She’s got balls, I’ll give her that and I have to give her some credit for continually trying to be my friend every time I’ve blown her off but on the other hand, there’s always been something in it for her.

Adding to the complications of my friendship with her, I can’t say my feelings are entirely untinged by desire of some sort that I can’t really define that make me cave in when I should be strong. It’s one of those love/hate relationship kind of things. I’m not interested in her in a sexual way or anything but admit some additional degree of physical closeness tied into the emotional connection we have is something I think about as that is the only thing really lacking in my life and in spite of our ideological differences, emotionally there is no one else I am as close to as her as the guy I’ve been basically after for the last four years is emotionally unavailable and not interested in a relationship even though we see each other and hang out together at least once a week.

It seems nothing is ever simple? If I let her stay with me and end up feeling used or we end up at each other’s throat again, it will be the last time that’s for sure. My patience, kindness and generosity have been tested. This could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back but only time will tell? Her unpredictability is never ending as it seems is my gullibility for her neediness.

Damn. I feel pathetic sometimes.

That's a complicated friendship. Ask yourself, what has she ever done for you? Sometimes you need to cut people out of your life to save your sanity. Put yourself first.

[Freija]

That's a complicated friendship. Ask yourself, what has she ever done for you? Sometimes you need to cut people out of your life to save your sanity. Put yourself first.

Indeed it is and I’ve tried several times to cut her out of my life and it has worked for a while but she has always managed to find a way to work back in but when it comes right down to it, I am the fool that lets her.

I’ve actually pondered over this for the last several years and tried to find reasons and justification for my own motivations and lack of backbone and have come up with a few things. Making new adult friendships that do have any substance or intimacy is damned hard and if I was her age there would probably be rivalry or competitiveness and jealousy between us so in some respects, I feel kind of fortunate that we’re friends at all as with me being the archetypical loner type, I suck at being friends or letting anyone through the lofty walls constructed around my psyche she has managed to penetrate. Sometimes having imperfect relationships is better than having none or at least that’s what I’ve told myself.

In a perfect world things would be better but life isn’t perfect and sometimes reduced expectations of others is the only way, for me at least, to have anyone else in my life at all. This is not a lack of self esteem on my part, I have pretty high standards but have realized over time, often the hard way, that accepting people with all their faults and inadequacies is the only real way to make a connection and lard knows I’m not the most perfect person either. It’s not like I’m going to run out and bond with someone overnight in a way that compares with the nearly five years of her and I knowing one another.

As to the question what has she done for me… other than being amusing, making me laugh, being a safe pal to get drunk with or to cry with and not feel alone, not much really but to me, judging a friendship solely by what I get out of it seems kind of juvenile and selfish. I am the stronger broad shouldered person and she does appreciate my non-judgmental advice and counsel and having someone she can let her hair down with so I guess being that person and a mentor of sort for her is also something I do get out of it even if things seem unbalanced. Also as I mentioned above, I think maternal instincts and that aspect of our dynamic has something to do with it which only makes things more complicated.

Long story and not by blood of course but I’m mom to a daughter eight years older than her and I try to imagine where I’d be with things or what I would be doing if my kid was as unstable and the emotional mess my drama filled friend is. I know friends are not the same as family but I would probably be putting myself out or my feelings second if I thought it would help and I think that’s what I’m doing with my friend to some degree?

Who knows? The last three months we haven’t been speaking initially found me missing her but more recently feeling free from getting involved in all her shit and being happy that I wasn’t thinking about her all the time. Now that there’s the possibility she might be living with me having nowhere else to go, all my questioning and everything else starts all over again. Is having someone I can figuratively let my hair down with that keeps me company enough? I guess I will find out?

[GeauxHomeLittleD]

@"Freija" 

I can relate to your quandary. Something that men do not understand is that women require the company of at least one other woman and that we will often let a lot of things slide (after a long cooling down period, of course) because we NEED the type of bond we can only get from another woman. There are things that men just cannot understand or even come close to relating to, and while a lot of times female friendships really suck there is a lot to be said for the old adage "Any port in a storm".

When I moved to Kentucky 7 1/2 years ago the only person I knew here was Kdog. It took me a long time to make a handful of female friends mostly because I really don't have much in common with the women in my area. Imagine being a country girl thrown into a city life- not exactly conducive to commonalities. I am not a girly girl, I don't fret over my hair, nails and make-up, I couldn't care less about shopping or bar scenes or fashion. I much prefer cooking, crafting, camping and conspiracy theories. I grow a jungle of plants, sketch and write. I don't feel the urge to get dolled up just to go out and be seen and I absolutely detest gossip. I had to make a whole lot of allowances to make a few female friends, learning to have limited tolerance for some things that I never would have tolerated before. It is just what I have to do. Women need the company of other women, almost a physical need as much as an emotional need.

We make the best of what we have. I only get to see my best girlfriend from down home once or twice a year. Besties since I was 12 and she was almost 10. Talking on the phone and texting isn't the same as being together, so I make due with what I have available... any port in a storm.

[ABNARTY]

So.... you fix laptops? How about refrigerators? Are you home this weekend? 



Somebody on here said if you are not friends from childhood, a lot of times there are expectations. I'm not sure if that is always a horrible thing but it is true.

The exception in my experience has been my military friends. You go through a lot together and a bond develops.

[Freija]

I can relate to your quandary. Something that men do not understand is that women require the company of at least one other woman and that we will often let a lot of things slide (after a long cooling down period, of course) because we NEED the type of bond we can only get from another woman. There are things that men just cannot understand or even come close to relating to, and while a lot of times female friendships really suck there is a lot to be said for the old adage "Any port in a storm".

Thank you for this. I found your thoughts helpful and comforting.

… I really don't have much in common with the women in my area. Imagine being a country girl thrown into a city life- not exactly conducive to commonalities. I am not a girly girl, I don't fret over my hair, nails and make-up, I couldn't care less about shopping or bar scenes or fashion.

Yes, I have and continue to have this problem too in some ways. I am a girly girl that does do the hair, nails and makeup thing that does like to get purdied up and go out on Friday or Saturday night for drinks and socialization and so is my friend so we have that in common and in sort of the birds of a feather way, other women that present themselves in the same way tend to flock together or attract others at the same level (when not being catty or jealous) but I’ve found I often have little in common with them when it comes right down to it and one reason why making women friends has been difficult. I won’t even bring age into the picture because that brings in another whole set of complications. I don’t look, act or think like most other grandmas.

My mom was raised on a farm in a family with five sisters and no brothers and as such, she learned many skills and a sense of do anything independence most would consider atypical for a girl that was handed down to me growing up in addition to all the typical mostly domestic skills most girls are taught. I can use a hammer and a saw, make things and fix things and kill a spider if I need to and cook up a feast and after being married to a mechanic for twelve years, change the oil and spark plugs in the 39 year old car I’ve managed to keep running stepping well outside the boundaries of the typical girly girl paradigm that I often see as clueless helplessness with a dependence on men that I’d rather not be subject to which tends to set me apart when trying to see myself in other women.

Many of these traits I’ve also passed down to my own daughter (age 47). She can turn a wrench, pound a nail, ride a motorcycle and is a strong independent woman with a double blackbelt in Taekwondo that can take care of herself but she has eschewed the stereotypical trappings of femininity and wouldn’t wear makeup or have long hair if somebody paid her and she has no problems making female friends of the same type so I suppose if I tried to make friends outside of the feminine esthetic I seem to be married to, I would have better luck but then they can’t relate to me because of my appearance.

I had to make a whole lot of allowances to make a few female friends, learning to have limited tolerance for some things that I never would have tolerated before. It is just what I have to do. Women need the company of other women, almost a physical need as much as an emotional need.

Indeed. These compromises are exactly how I’ve managed to be friends with the woman I’ve been talking about. We come from different worlds and different backgrounds but you are absolutely right about need for the company of other women as there are so many things that men just don’t get or understand that only another woman does.

... any port in a storm.

Again, thank you. This helps me understand my own motivations and behaviors a little better and why I’ve let my crazy drama filled friend become so ingrained in my life. As much trouble and bother as she is and how different we are as people and even though I’ve tried to distance myself from her several times, the bond and closeness we have is not something I want to give up even with all its shortcomings. Writing/talking about all this has brought me some clarity and I really appreciate the dialog.

With a clearer head, gonna get myself cleaned up and go hang out with my boys at the bar tonight. I do have man friends but either them or me usually have ulterior motives, if you catch my drift? LOL!

[Bally002]

I am older and have several close friends.  My wife and I have entertained them over the years.  What I find difficult in those circumstances is when those friends start dictating their preferences and living conditions.  

We have our own life and home.  Adjust to us.  We shouldn't have to adjust or adapt to a long term guest who we think we are helping out and they decide to dig in and disrupt our life style.  Give such person the ultimatum and when the fireworks happen you will know they are not a true friend.  Loss of friendship and trust occurs.

Tragically we won't invite long term sitters or squatters whom we considered friends to stay until they sort their respective lives out.  When you hit 60 old or above, and you haven't got it together, then there is something amiss we thinks.

Our thoughts, Bally and True Love,

Kind regards:)

[F2d5thCav]

@"Bally002" 

then there is something amiss we thinks.

No kidding.  Someone at that age acting so self-entitled needs a boot square in their backside.  I can't imagine acting that way as a guest.  Both my wife and I attempt as much as possible to be a help and not a hindrance to the hosts.

Cheers