We are not 20 anymore?

[MisterSpock]

So this is the forum I landed on. 

What's the point, the message, youth gone by and our preferred idealism aside. 

I could post endlessly with so many wonderful words, but I'll cut to the gist. 

I, like so many, 10 years ago would want a woman that is pure and wanting/waiting to start a family. 

So many though were lied to and left out to dry, the amount of single mothers with 2 or 3 kids I see on the scene is disgusting, not because of their own decisions, but my god, where are these men. 

5 years ago, I had no interest in woman with kids, now all of them have kids and I view that as something worth more than themselves, it's disgusting the amount of single woman that are dating that have kids, because they are so much more than just themselves(their children), why the hell have so many men run away and left them in that situation, I just don't get it. So many men that couldn't handle their responsibility, it's pretty sad, but than again there are plenty of real men out there. 

This is a rant, please don't send me pictures of your children....

[Ninurta]

Most folks here know I've been married several times. Four, to be precise. The last 3 already had kids when I married them. I considered it to be entering a pre-fab family. So I raised a crap ton of those young-uns that other men abandoned. 12 to be more precise. Why they abandoned them, I don't really know. You'd have to ask them that.

Women with kids often get overlooked in the dating pool, and especially the marriage pool. I don't know why that is, either. There is a lot on offer there, and usually the diaper changing stage is already bypassed. 

What I do know is that when you can make a child smile, or teach them something they didn't know that will stand them in good stead later in life, you've done your job, fulfilled your purpose in this world.

Who in their right mind can pass that up?

.

[Finspiracy]

So this is the forum I landed on. 

What's the point, the message, youth gone by and our preferred idealism aside. 

I could post endlessly with so many wonderful words, but I'll cut to the gist. 

I, like so many, 10 years ago would want a woman that is pure and wanting/waiting to start a family. 

So many though were lied to and left out to dry, the amount of single mothers with 2 or 3 kids I see on the scene is disgusting, not because of their own decisions, but my god, where are these men. 

5 years ago, I had no interest in woman with kids, now all of them have kids and I view that as something worth more than themselves, it's disgusting the amount of single woman that are dating that have kids, because they are so much more than just themselves(their children), why the hell have so many men run away and left them in that situation, I just don't get it. So many men that couldn't handle their responsibility, it's pretty sad, but than again there are plenty of real men out there. 

This is a rant, please don't send me pictures of your children....

We are on the same page here. Literally, this is the same RN page.  

I would actually prefer a woman who already has children. 2 Reasons, i like kids very much, and i get along with them just fine and i like to play and watch cartoons. I have been a teenage mutant ninja turtle, i have been a princess, i have been a cat. Everything. But the second one is more important, if she already has children, maybe i would not face pressure to make some show up, with her. I can't do that. I am irresponsible.

I know EXACTLY what you mean "youth gone by" i was 15 years old, decided to have a couple of beers. Then something happened. Now i am 39 years old, and everything is different, except me.

Umm... uh. Do you ever think about fine ladies, who are in a bad relationship? Those women never get compliments. Their desires are never met. They are some kind of walking dishwashers and food cookers? And then you think that they would be happier with you? I do...

[gordi]

I'm happily married with 2 kids, but weirdly I have recently been tuning in to a youtuber who talks a lot about this very subject!

He has a lot of opinions on this topic, but his main position is that modern media/women's mags/feminism/equal rights movements etc have created a societal "norm" where dating-age women (in general) have been conditioned to think that they deserve the absolute best from a partner, rather than just a partner who is suitable and compatible with them.

The youtuber often uses dating apps as an example, citing studies that show that between 80 and 90% of the women are only interested in dating the top-rated 10% of the guys...


This results in extreme competition between the women to "bag" the top looking/ top earning guys and often leads to behaviours that would traditionally be seen as "improper" on first or second dates!

The top guys are provided with a never-ending conveyor belt of fresh "conquests" and so have no real incentive to settle down.
And.... accidents do happen.

Point being - it's not necessarily always the guys that are getting into serious relationships and then "running away" when babies arrive... there is a whole new dynamic at play and I for one am VERY glad that I'm well past all that dating stuff!

The youtuber is called Better Bachelor BTW

I don't agree with a lot of what he says, but it is an interesting topic.
G

[Finspiracy]

@"gordi" 

Some solid points there to think about.

But nah... reminds me of INCEL culture. The fact still remains. If i would be better, i would have a woman to be with.

[hounddoghowlie]

why the hell have so many men run away and left them in that situation, I just don't get it. So many men that couldn't handle their responsibility, it's pretty sad, but than again there are plenty of real men out there. 

i have to disagree with you on this.

it's not always the men, the women are just as guilty of leaving. think they might have found someone better, can't keep their legs together at work, want a sugar daddy, or in some instances it's the woman's family. countless other reasons other than a sorry ass man.

and there are plenty of men that fight tooth and nail to get custody of their children. or even pay ungodly amounts of child support that the sorry ass mothers spend on themselves and boyfriend.

[drussell41]

why the hell have so many men run away and left them in that situation, I just don't get it. So many men that couldn't handle their responsibility, it's pretty sad, but than again there are plenty of real men out there. 

i have to disagree with you on this.

it's not always the men, the women are just as guilty of leavening. think they might have found someone better, can't keep their legs together at work, want a sugar daddy, or in some instances it's the woman's family. countless other reasons other than a sorry ass man.

and there are plenty of men that fight tooth and nail to get custody of their children. or even pay ungodly amounts of child support that the sorry ass mothers spend on themselves and boyfriend.

We have a friend who fathered a kid; she promptly left him and pursued/received endless child support.   She's done the same to two other men.  One gave her a house.   If there's one woman who has decided to "make a living" by having kids and extorting men, there's probably more.

[hounddoghowlie]

site or net is messing up this morning

[hounddoghowlie]

hounddoghowlie
 We have a friend who fathered a kid; she promptly left him and pursued/received endless child support.   She's done to the same to two other men.  One gave her a house.   If there's one woman who has decided to "make a living" by having kids and extorting men, there's probably more.

that's the truth, and there are more that do just that, than people are willing to admit. 


some women are just as conniving, scheming, vindictive bitches as men are  conniving, scheming, vindictive bastards.
just look ay nancy  p lousy. 
   

[NightskyeB4Dawn]

So this is the forum I landed on. 

What's the point, the message, youth gone by and our preferred idealism aside. 

I could post endlessly with so many wonderful words, but I'll cut to the gist. 

I, like so many, 10 years ago would want a woman that is pure and wanting/waiting to start a family. 

So many though were lied to and left out to dry, the amount of single mothers with 2 or 3 kids I see on the scene is disgusting, not because of their own decisions, but my god, where are these men. 

5 years ago, I had no interest in woman with kids, now all of them have kids and I view that as something worth more than themselves, it's disgusting the amount of single woman that are dating that have kids, because they are so much more than just themselves(their children), why the hell have so many men run away and left them in that situation, I just don't get it. So many men that couldn't handle their responsibility, it's pretty sad, but than again there are plenty of real men out there. 

This is a rant, please don't send me pictures of your children....

Your post is one of those posts that touches on so many issues, many with multiple levels, that it is so hard for me to properly respond.

Of course relationships that are developed in youth are more hormone based, and we are supposed to be more cerebral in our relationships as we get older, but that is not always how it plays out. I won't go off on how the seven year itch, and the mid life crisis can throw monkey wrenches into the game. So I am going to try to stick to the issue of the children.

I think a romantic relationship should never involve the children in the beginning. Of course the fact there are children involved, will need to be disclosed, if one is looking for a lasting relationship, but if marriage in not in the picture, then the children should not be either.

Children should not be bargaining chips, and they should not be involved in the uncertainty, and the roller coaster ride that most relationships take until the relationship settles on even ground. Relationships can be difficult to maneuver for the supposed adults in the room, imagine how hard it can be on the children.

People go into relationships with personal baggage, which can be more challenging for a relationship than children. Some of that baggage needs to be dropped off at the dump before moving forward, and if dumped, it should never be retrieved, but we rarely do what we "should" do. I can assure you of only one thing, there has never been a relationship that failed or was successful, were only one person was responsible for the outcome.

[Snarl]

and there are plenty of men that fight tooth and nail to get custody of their children. or even pay ungodly amounts of child support that the sorry ass mothers spend on themselves and boyfriend.

This is (I believe) part of the purpose of separation of church and state.

Used to be people were in married in the eyes of God.  Then the state-co-opted that shit.  Now they control it.  Remember when there was a tax benefit to being married?  It's a damned penalty now.

I'm more for the church deciding if a man and a woman are to be married.  The church is pretty stingy when it comes to breaking up a marriage.  Let them decide on that too.  If fact, I'd kind'a like to see being married and having a kid as a condition of being a citizen.  Why the Hell not?  "If you get divorced you're not a citizen anymore," would certainly lead to a more responsible decision making process.

[Snarl]

just look ay nancy  p lousy.

There she is ...

[/url][url=https://ibb.co/9byMh2K]

[PuppupSuzieQ]

My independent mother raised me a little to independent. Kids are fun, I had 2 of them that are grown now. The men in my life unfortunately couldn't handle my extreme independence. Now I live with 5 dogs. The happily married women in my life told me that I should have never learned to mow the lawn.

[Ninurta]

My independent mother raised me a little to independent. Kids are fun, I had 2 of them that are grown now. The men in my life unfortunately couldn't handle my extreme independence. Now I live with 5 dogs. The happily married women in my life told me that I should have never learned to mow the lawn.

Wait... you can mow the lawn, you are unattached, AND you like dogs?

Am I reading that right?

If I wasn't already married....

.

[Freija]

I think a romantic relationship should never involve the children in the beginning. Of course the fact there are children involved, will need to be disclosed, if one is looking for a lasting relationship, but if marriage in not in the picture, then the children should not be either.

Long time no post eh? Anyway...

I think this is an idealistic point of view and kind of difficult in practice to carry out.

Little known fact about me because I don’t talk about it much online but 40+ years ago when I was single and in the dating world, I was also cp-parenting a child 50% of the time, had multiple romantic relationships and keeping a kid from not being a factor in relationships is neigh impossible if they are an integral part of your life even if purely for logistical reasons alone. Sure, whirlwind affairs and short term hookups are one thing and best kept discrete but how someone gets along with your children and your responsibilities toward them comes into play way before the thought of marriage or even a serious relationship comes into the picture.

Yes, there are probably a few people and relationships I’d rather my daughter not have been exposed to or witnessed but you can’t really exclude your kids from your life if you’re open and honest with them and what kind of relationship could you have with someone that didn’t involve your kids anyway?

I don’t disagree that it is hard on kids to be involved in your relationships that don’t work out. I’ve experienced this from several different angles from being a kid with a mother in multiple relationships and marriages, to having a kid in my own relationships and from being in relationships with people that had their own kids and it is hard but I also think it’s just a fact of life. A part of me also thinks it helps kids know life isn’t always a 1950s fairy tale which they’ve probably already seen once if their mother is single and dating. My child’s other parent also had relationships that came and went so unless you don’t have kids or are in a forever lifetime type traditional family, it is kind of hard to say kids should be kept out of your relationships unless it is something long lasting or marriage is involved.

I was “just friends” for a considerable time with my future husband before I got married. It was like the second time I went to his house to hang out, I dragged my then 10 year old along with me because 1) what else was I going to do with her and 2) what if he couldn’t handle being around someone with a kid? It was kind of important to know what she thought of him as well because if she thought he was creepy or was scared of him or they didn’t get along, how could I even be friends with him?

When I did start living with him and we got married, my then 11 year old came to live with us full time until she graduated high school, met someone and moved out on her own. He knew that to be with me, she came with the territory and he treated her as well as he did me. She was 22 or 23 and herself married when my ex and I got divorced and she wasn’t very happy about it. He was the only dad she’d ever known as she’d only ever had two moms.

Sidenote:
How I became a mom in the first place and later a grandma is kind of personal and a long story considering my history and (duh), she isn’t biologically my child but I raised her as my own from the time she was born when I was just 19. She’s almost 47 now, my grandson will be 24 and I’m a Jurassic dinosaur but I’m still mom and still grandma and should by some miracle happen or hell freezes over and I’m involved in a another relationship, they certainly will know about it and be a part of it.

My independent mother raised me a little to independent.

Yeah, I hear that story. In some ways it sucks but I wouldn't have it any other way.

This is (I believe) part of the purpose of separation of church and state.

Used to be people were in married in the eyes of God.  Then the state-co-opted that shit.  Now they control it.  Remember when there was a tax benefit to being married?  It's a damned penalty now.

I'm more for the church deciding if a man and a woman are to be married.  The church is pretty stingy when it comes to breaking up a marriage.  Let them decide on that too.  If fact, I'd kind'a like to see being married and having a kid as a condition of being a citizen.  Why the Hell not?  "If you get divorced you're not a citizen anymore," would certainly lead to a more responsible decision making process.

Oh brother! This is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard!

Just sayin'.  

[NightskyeB4Dawn]

Raising children as a single parent is indeed a road with many pathways.

I didn't have any children of my own. I raised my sister's three children, because I refused to allow them to become wards of the State. I guess you can say that I put my life on hold. My Mother had trouble getting around up North, so I moved her in with me, and I was blessed with having a right hand in the process of raising the children.

Because of my job and the demands of my time, dating was sort of put on the back burner, outside of the casual date. I never let my dating go beyond that, mainly because I knew I was not able to make a commitment to a serious relationship. I was the Administrative Director of Medical Services and had to be available whenever needed 24/7. I had the responsibility of a mother and three children, so there was not any room left for a serious relationship. That was the easier path for me. I think we all make the choices that are right for us at the time.

I guess we were both very lucky, our choices seem to have worked out well for the both of us.

[Snarl]

This is (I believe) part of the purpose of separation of church and state.

Used to be people were in married in the eyes of God.  Then the state-co-opted that shit.  Now they control it.  Remember when there was a tax benefit to being married?  It's a damned penalty now.

I'm more for the church deciding if a man and a woman are to be married.  The church is pretty stingy when it comes to breaking up a marriage.  Let them decide on that too.  If fact, I'd kind'a like to see being married and having a kid as a condition of being a citizen.  Why the Hell not?  "If you get divorced you're not a citizen anymore," would certainly lead to a more responsible decision making process.

Oh brother! This is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard!

Just sayin'.  

Sup, Girlie?  Long time no see (a belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to ya).

Yeah ... you're about the only person around here who'd qualify to challenge me on that opinion.  I respect that.

[kdog]

Having kids is over rated. I started in my 30's . Grand kids, well, that's another thing.

[Moonmagic]

It's the same here (England), single Mothers everywhere, kids in tow, father or fathers nowhere to be seen. Life happens, I know! I'm not being judgemental here, and I'm at that age (35) where i'd love to settle down, but the more I look around the less sure I am, it's not just about falling in love with someone anymore. It's complicated out there for someone my age and childless.

Seems I probably missed my chance for anything normal, or maybe this is just the new normal.

[PuppupSuzieQ]

Most folks here know I've been married several times. Four, to be precise. The last 3 already had kids when I married them. I considered it to be entering a pre-fab family. So I raised a crap ton of those young-uns that other men abandoned. 12 to be more precise. Why they abandoned them, I don't really know. You'd have to ask them that.

Women with kids often get overlooked in the dating pool, and especially the marriage pool. I don't know why that is, either. There is a lot on offer there, and usually the diaper changing stage is already bypassed. 

What I do know is that when you can make a child smile, or teach them something they didn't know that will stand them in good stead later in life, you've done your job, fulfilled your purpose in this world.





Who in their right mind can pass that up?

.

My son says that his stepfather was more of a father to him than his own father.  He is very grateful and appreciative of all those fond memories.