The "...To Change A Lightbulb" Thread

[gordi]

Yup.

This is the place for all of your "... to change a lightbulb" jokes!
(Let's see how many we can come up with!?!?!?!)

I'll kick things of with one of my favourites (sorry in advance ladies!! LOL)

WHY does it take THREE WOMEN with PMT (PMS) to change a Light Bulb???
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G

[gordi]

How many Lead guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one.
He holds the bulb up in the air and expects the whole world to revolve around him!

[gordi]

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?



None 'o yo' fuckin' business!

[gordi]

Q: How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?


A: Who knows.... divorced men never get the house...

[gordi]

Q: How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None.  That's a hardware problem!

[gordi]

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other four to fill the
  bathtub with brightly colored machine tools and a bucket of celery.

[gordi]

Q: How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?



A: This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete
  pending resolution of some action items...
  It will be continued next week.
  Meanwhile...

[gordi]

This one's GREAT!!!


How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?
     Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
     whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid
     burned-out light bulb?
     Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to
     code.
     Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
     Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do
     it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
     Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!
     Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . .
     Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I?
     Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
     Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's
     busy.
     Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the
     dark.
     Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
     Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
     Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
     Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
     Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...
     Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
     Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
     Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate
     was a light bulb?

[gordi]

How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb?


You don’t know man, you weren’t there man!!

[gordi]

How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?


Two. One to screw in the bulb and another to hold the penis–I mean ladder.... 

[gordi]

*Disclaimer: This one's quite dark/sick/adult!!

READER DISCRETION is ADVISED!









How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Apparently more than 10. My basement is still dark...

[gordi]

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A fish.

[Wallfire]

How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?


Two. One to screw in the bulb and another to hold the penis–I mean ladder.... 

Thats to stop any Freudian slips

[NightskyeB4Dawn]

This one's GREAT!!!


How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?
     Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
     whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid
     burned-out light bulb?
     Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to
     code.
     Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
     Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do
     it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
     Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!
     Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . .
     Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I?
     Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
     Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's
     busy.
     Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the
     dark.
     Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
     Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
     Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
     Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
     Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...
     Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
     Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
     Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate
     was a light bulb?

Siberian Husky to Greyhound: Hey man, I am cool with that!

Rhodesian Ridgeback: Hey man, I'll find it, but it ain't my job to fix it. Get that yappy dog over there to do it.

[drussell41]

This one's GREAT!!!


How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?
     Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
     whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid
     burned-out light bulb?
     Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to
     code.
     Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
     Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do
     it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
     Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!
     Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . .
     Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I?
     Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
     Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's
     busy.
     Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the
     dark.
     Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
     Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
     Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
     Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
     Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...
     Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
     Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
     Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate
     was a light bulb?

I was just going to looking for it; one of my favorites.   Accurately captures some of the breeds I've known.   Really nails the GSD.   I wonder if Malinois would be, "Keep it off.   I can see better in the dark than an intruder.   Whom I  will enjoy."   Any Malinois owners here to give us this breed's take on it?  :)   Or bloodhounds?   "Lights?   We don't need no stinkin lightses," as he snuffles his amazing nose.

Here are a few more:



American Eskimo: I can show you 12 ways to screw the bulb.

Pug: Er, two. Or maybe one. No — on second thought, make that two. Is that OK with you?

German Shepherd: I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

Beagle: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I ate was a light bulb?

Great Dane: Just give me back my blanket and do it yourself.

Siberian Husky: Light bulb?!? I ate the light bulb, and the lamp, and the coffee table it sat on, and the carpet under the coffee table and …

Cat: You need light to see?

[NightskyeB4Dawn]

This one's GREAT!!!


How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?
     Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
     whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid
     burned-out light bulb?
     Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to
     code.
     Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
     Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do
     it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
     Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!
     Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . .
     Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I?
     Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
     Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's
     busy.
     Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the
     dark.
     Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
     Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
     Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
     Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
     Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...
     Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
     Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
     Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate
     was a light bulb

American Eskimo: I can show you 12 ways to screw the bulb.

Pug: Er, two. Or maybe one. No — on second thought, make that two. Is that OK with you?

German Shepherd: I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

Beagle: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I ate was a light bulb?

Great Dane: Just give me back my blanket and do it yourself.

Siberian Husky: Light bulb?!? I ate the light bulb, and the lamp, and the coffee table it sat on, and the carpet under the coffee table and …

Cat: You need light to see?

Mutt:
Look sure I can do it, all by myself. No problem. I am a Jack of all trades. I do it all. I ain't got no papers, but what the Hell! Papers ain't worth the crap you wipe with. You know what I mean.

Husky:
Give me second. I'll get to it as soon as I catch that rabbit over there. Uh...make that two hours.

Tea cup anything:
I'll do it ! I'll do it. Just hold me and walk in a circle a few times.

[beez]

*Disclaimer: This one's quite dark/sick/adult!!

READER DISCRETION is ADVISED!









How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Apparently more than 10. My basement is still dark...

Brilliant!

[NightskyeB4Dawn]

*Disclaimer: This one's quite dark/sick/adult!!

READER DISCRETION is ADVISED!









How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Apparently more than 10. My basement is still dark...

Brilliant!

Bad Rabbit!

Is @Snarl with you? 

You two are going to have to be separated.

[Snarl]

My basement is still dark...

Is @Snarl with you? 

We were waiting for you down in your basement earlier.   

[kdog]

This one's GREAT!!!


How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?
     Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
     whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid
     burned-out light bulb?
     Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to
     code.
     Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
     Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do
     it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
     Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!
     Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . .
     Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I?
     Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
     Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's
     busy.
     Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the
     dark.
     Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
     Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
     Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
     Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
     Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...
     Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
     Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
     Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate
     was a light bulb?

Pitbull : eats it