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Extreme grief, and beyond.
#1
One of my best friends, a woman I have known al my adult life had lost her son just three months ago ..... from an accidental overdose of fentonal laced opiates. That is, if you can call it accidental, certainly it was surely criminal at least. But the son aged at 39 did have to gamble that he was getting un-adulterated opiates. In life he was an excelent film grafics person adept at all sorts of special effects. The likes of movies such as .....

Visual effects (11 credits)
 2016/I
Passengers (digital compositor)
 2016
Underworld: Blood Wars (stereo artist: Legend 3D)
 2016
Doctor Strange (visual effects artist)
 2016
Ben-Hur (visual effects artist)
 2016
Pete's Dragon (stereo compositor)
 2016
Warcraft (visual effects artist)
 2015/II
The Walk (stereo compositor: Legend 3D)
 2015
Pan (stereo compositor)
 2015
Poltergeist (stereo compositor: Legend 3D)
 2015
The Divergent Series: Insurgent (stereo compositor: Legend 3D)
 2010
The Pacific (TV Mini-Series) (visual effects assistant - 1 episode)


Never the less he was a victim as so many in Hollywood are who aspire to the top in the industry. His failed marriage, his lonesome nights, his drinking to wash away the pain of losing most of what was precious to him, and ultimately his life.

Leaving an X, his mother and sister, and his dad who actually facilitated buying the drugs on the street. Ultimately both junkies. There's no elegant way of saying it. I knew him from birth and followed his growth to adulthood.

He is gone now, and I have no words for it, no feelings or sympathy for him, but his mother and sister are the ones left holding to memories and unimaginable grief. We speak every couple days, the mother and I and I try to call her often while she feels abandoned by family and friends, and in reality has been left to live the grief, her and her daughter. I try my best to call and listen and cry at times with her, but also to be strong for them, but it is so difficult a thing to do every day  or two. Yet I care about them as I would if they were family. In a sense they are, me as an 18 year old from then till now.

As time passes I ocassionally find a video that is comforting, but I seldom go that route, I speak  live, no video, my thoughts. But I did find this one small paragraph I had seen and heard on a video about the Urantia Book 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R4DRaF48MM

I wrote this also in an email hoping to calm the angst and dirrect the grief towards rejoicing. Though there was some slight difference.

I am ehausted with the grief, though I know they are destroyed, but I an holding on to what influence I can give and put forth, though you and I know nothing could be enough to wash the scales of grief from their eyes......... I will continue, but it's so hard, my head feels empty. I think of his work on Ben Hur and it takes me to Cecil B. DeMille's masterpiece where Moses speaks to God and says I am no speaker, and God assures Moses that He will give him the words.

I know this is long winded, but you my new and (old previous) friends are important to me and no matter the topic we find a common ground and agreement, a very un-common thing these days. Thanks for indulging me and listening/reading............... Plotus aka Rich
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#2
(08-12-2020, 07:01 PM)PLOTUS Wrote: One of my best friends, a woman I have known al my adult life had lost her son just three months ago ..... from an accidental overdose of fentonal laced opiates. That is, if you can call it accidental, certainly it was surely criminal at least. But the son aged at 39 did have to gamble that he was getting un-adulterated opiates. In life he was an excelent film grafics person adept at all sorts of special effects. The likes of movies such as .....

Visual effects (11 credits)
 2016/I
Passengers (digital compositor)
 2016
Underworld: Blood Wars (stereo artist: Legend 3D)
 2016
Doctor Strange (visual effects artist)
 2016
Ben-Hur (visual effects artist)
 2016
Pete's Dragon (stereo compositor)
 2016
Warcraft (visual effects artist)
 2015/II
The Walk (stereo compositor: Legend 3D)
 2015
Pan (stereo compositor)
 2015
Poltergeist (stereo compositor: Legend 3D)
 2015
The Divergent Series: Insurgent (stereo compositor: Legend 3D)
 2010
The Pacific (TV Mini-Series) (visual effects assistant - 1 episode)


Never the less he was a victim as so many in Hollywood are who aspire to the top in the industry. His failed marriage, his lonesome nights, his drinking to wash away the pain of losing most of what was precious to him, and ultimately his life.

Leaving an X, his mother and sister, and his dad who actually facilitated buying the drugs on the street. Ultimately both junkies. There's no elegant way of saying it. I knew him from birth and followed his growth to adulthood.

He is gone now, and I have no words for it, no feelings or sympathy for him, but his mother and sister are the ones left holding to memories and unimaginable grief. We speak every couple days, the mother and I and I try to call her often while she feels abandoned by family and friends, and in reality has been left to live the grief, her and her daughter. I try my best to call and listen and cry at times with her, but also to be strong for them, but it is so difficult a thing to do every day  or two. Yet I care about them as I would if they were family. In a sense they are, me as an 18 year old from then till now.

As time passes I ocassionally find a video that is comforting, but I seldom go that route, I speak  live, no video, my thoughts. But I did find this one small paragraph I had seen and heard on a video about the Urantia Book 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R4DRaF48MM

I wrote this also in an email hoping to calm the angst and dirrect the grief towards rejoicing. Though there was some slight difference.

I am ehausted with the grief, though I know they are destroyed, but I an holding on to what influence I can give and put forth, though you and I know nothing could be enough to wash the scales of grief from their eyes......... I will continue, but it's so hard, my head feels empty. I think of his work on Ben Hur and it takes me to Cecil B. DeMille's masterpiece where Moses speaks to God and says I am no speaker, and God assures Moses that He will give him the words.

I know this is long winded, but you my new and (old previous) friends are important to me and no matter the topic we find a common ground and agreement, a very un-common thing these days. Thanks for indulging me and listening/reading............... Plotus aka Rich

My sympathies and regards.  A sad loss to be sure.

Kind regards,

Bally:(
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#3
You have a very kind heart, and are strong, that's why people lean on you.
Saying "time heals all wounds" are empty words to those going through grief, so I don't say it, even though it's true.

Just be there to lend an ear. Sometimes that's all that's needed, just like we're here for you now... to listen.


My condolences to you and the family.
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#4
[Image: E0fiByH.gif]


I have found that when I feel overwhelmed with grief, or pain, or sorrow, or just plain disillusionment, when I feel off balanced, that looking into the lit wick of a candle soothes it all and helps me re-center.

Just a friendly recommendation. You are a good person. Deepest sympathies.
Once upon a time...formally known as SonoftheSun
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#5
I and my husband are Very Sorry for the lost of such a talented young person to Tainted Drugs, Very, Very Sorry for your Hurting Heart.
We just don't have the words to explain how we feel for you and his family.
We are here for you if you need to talk.
Once A Rogue, Always A Rogue!
[Image: attachment.php?aid=936]
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#6
And in the end the Police threw up their hands and finally told His  Sister who was trying to persue this as murder that "You buy and take illegal drugs, you sometimes get what you have comming," deserved or not.

And you know, he was right. Though that does nothing to console the sister or mother. And I agree..... though I would never be so coarse and heartless as to put it in words.
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#7
It's been over five months now. Still dread comes over me when the phone rings every other day, I know the mother will be seeking consolation, refusing to let go of her son. I am weary of this burden.... don't want to abbandon, but am growing tired, I can do nothing if they will do nothing but embrace missery. I don't want that, but it seems all they have to hold on to....
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#8
(10-03-2020, 08:11 PM)PLOTUS Wrote: And in the end the Police threw up their hands and finally told His  Sister who was trying to persue this as murder that "You buy and take illegal drugs, you sometimes get what you have comming," deserved or not.

And you know, he was right. Though that does nothing to console the sister or mother. And I agree..... though I would never be so coarse and heartless as to put it in words.

I can truly empathize with you. One of my closest friends just notified me that her husband's brother was murdered a few days ago. I only met him once, and he seemed like a really nice guy. 

Her husband won't be able to leave the country to be with his family so that makes it really hard on everyone.

I look around me and my house is a mess. There is so much that needs to be done, I just don't have the motivation in me to get it done.

I know I am not depressed. I have never really had clinical depression, but I have worked with enough people to recognize it if I see it. 

What I have is more like weltschmerz and or ennui.

I am just tired. Tired of the all the drama, the bull crap, the dissension, the world. Tired of the separation that breeds selfishness and makes isolation desirable and normal.

I know it is part of the plan. Apathy and apostasy are huge factors in making their plan work, to change the world.

I thought I was strong enough to not let them change me. I am not so sure I am strong enough anymore.

You are not alone in this battle. Many of us are going through similar things. We understand, and hopefully we can find support in each other.
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#9
@PLOTUS I’m so sorry. My sympathy and condolences for you. You are being a wonderful friend to this lady and her daughter. I cannot imagine how difficult this is for you. 

Like you said, it must be really exhausting to be going through this. Hugs.
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#10
(10-03-2020, 08:17 PM)PLOTUS Wrote: It's been over five months now. Still dread comes over me when the phone rings every other day, I know the mother will be seeking consolation, refusing to let go of her son. I am weary of this burden.... don't want to abbandon, but am growing tired, I can do nothing if they will do nothing but embrace missery. I don't want that, but it seems all they have to hold on to....

You have my full empathy.

I think you might need some distance. I know i would need it.

There is a middle ground between abandoning and being a 24/7 crisis call center operator.

Turn off the phone and do something that YOU enjoy. Walking in the nature? Seeing a movie? Buying a new shirt?

Maybe that way you will gain new energy, and then put the phone back on.

You will be unable to help anyone unless you remember to take care of yourself also. Reserving some time just for yourself is not selfishness, it is YOU caring about YOU.
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#11
This might seem strange but grief  can become additive, and perhaps you are feeding the grief of this woman. Grief can be used by a person as a place to hide from the things that seem frighting in life but need to be handled. I dont know the full facts so I will not advice anything other than you should seek advice from trained people. Its been 6 months and the affect it has had on you is already at an unwanted level and taking over your life. Its  one thing to support a friend its another thing to let the support steal your life
WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH, THE EU IS FATHER AND MOTHER / FEAR NOT DEATH, BUT FEAR THE WAY YOU WILL DIE
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#12
(10-04-2020, 03:58 AM)Finspiracy Wrote:
(10-03-2020, 08:17 PM)PLOTUS Wrote: It's been over five months now. Still dread comes over me when the phone rings every other day, I know the mother will be seeking consolation, refusing to let go of her son. I am weary of this burden.... don't want to abbandon, but am growing tired, I can do nothing if they will do nothing but embrace missery. I don't want that, but it seems all they have to hold on to....

You have my full empathy.

I think you might need some distance. I know i would need it.

There is a middle ground between abandoning and being a 24/7 crisis call center operator.

Turn off the phone and do something that YOU enjoy. Walking in the nature? Seeing a movie? Buying a new shirt?

Maybe that way you will gain new energy, and then put the phone back on.

You will be unable to help anyone unless you remember to take care of yourself also. Reserving some time just for yourself is not selfishness, it is YOU caring about YOU.

THIS.

There is a fine line between being supportive of someone and becoming its battery that they suck on daily. Been there, done that. At some point, you have to draw a line.

Fins' got the right answer here. YOU. Recharging is a must. But it's just my opinion, mate. :)

JMHO.
Once upon a time...formally known as SonoftheSun
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#13
Thank you friends.... it means a lot that you take the time. I guess my eyes and attention had become glazed over as I accepted this crisis as something I might lessen. Finspiracy your right with the annalogy of a 24/7 crisis line..... that hit home, thank you, and Wallfire, it is true, I have become a hiding place, a place of refuge, if only for a brief time...... but it is so often, I can scarcely renew before the next measure is wanted. I am doing them no service at this point. Only prolonging the enevidable of having to accept the loss and move on.. difficult as it may seem.

I gather a grounding here at Rogue Nation, I feel a genuine esprit de corps, (camaradrie) within the realm of members. That moment that reminds me I already had the answers but needed to be reminded of them. 
[Image: E0fiByH.gif]
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