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A Woman's exercise Diary
#1
Quote:A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine 

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I  purchased a week of personal training at the local health club.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile.  Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.  Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it!  My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile.  His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!  It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it.  I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals.  Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.  His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster.  Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?  Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.  He said some other shit too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl.  I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom.  He sent some skinny bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor.  If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps.  I don't have any triceps!  And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich..
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.  Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today.  Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over.  I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.  I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
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#2
tinylaughing Funny!   smallroflmao
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#3
Explanation: Sounds extremely typical and it is a total shame that somebody as physically skilled as Christo was not more aware of DOMS [aka Delayed Onset Muscular Soreness] ...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_on...e_soreness

Quote:Delayed onset muscle soreness (DOMS) is the pain and stiffness felt in muscles several hours to days after unaccustomed or strenuous exercise.

The soreness is felt most strongly 24 to 72 hours after the exercise.[1][2]:63

It is thought to be caused by eccentric (lengthening) exercise, which causes small-scale damage (microtrauma) to the muscle fibers.

After such exercise, the muscle adapts rapidly to prevent muscle damage, and thereby soreness, if the exercise is repeated.[1][2]:76

Delayed onset muscle soreness is one symptom of exercise-induced muscle damage. The other is acute muscle soreness, which appears during and immediately after exercise.

https://www.painscience.com/articles/del...reness.php

Quote:Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness (DOMS), AKA “muscle fever,” is the muscle pain and weakness that starts up to a day after unfamiliar exercise, peaking up to two days later.

The strongest trigger is a lot of eccentric contraction (e.g. quadriceps while descending).

DOMS is much weaker after the next workout, but the first bout can be so fierce that people avoid starting valuable exercise programs, especially strength training. It’s worse for some people due to genetic factors and other biological stresses (especially sleep trouble).

Medical science can’t explain DOMS, let alone treat it. Many athletes believe that massage helps, but that’s not what the evidence shows.

And many take ibuprofen as prevention, but that doesn’t work either. Drugs will only take the edge off the pain. The only promising treatments are heat and Indian food (curcumin), but not confirmed.

Excessive DOMS may also be a symptom of other health problems, some of which can be treated, most notably vitamin D deficiency and insomnia.

DOMS is probably not caused by micro-trauma — a popular old idea — although it might be a mild form of “rhabdomyolysis,” which is caused by mucle proteins spilling into the blood.

Some kind of “metabolic stress” may be a more likely culprit, and yet there is no clear link between DOMS and any specific biological marker (and definitely not lactic acid).

There are even clues that DOMS is neurological. Certainly it is not straightforwardly inflammatory: evidence suggests that inflammation is what reduces DOMS pain as you continue to exercise.

Mysterious indeed!

Personal Disclosure: Here is 5 possible ways to deal with DOMS ...

https://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitne...cle-fever/

Quote:1. Take a break
First and foremost, you shouldn’t go hard again the next day or even the day after. Mostly because you probably physically can’t—the damage you’ve caused will inhibit performance Opens a New Window. until it heals. Still, if you’re not totally debilitated, some exercise can help to get the blood pumping to the affected muscles, bringing oxygen and nutrients and flushing out any buildup of post-exercise waste products. Just go easy: Walk, don’t run, or do lighter weights with fewer reps and sets. Cross-training Opens a New Window. is also an option, but again, don’t do it aggressively. It can take a week to fully recover Opens a New Window. , and that might be how long your body needs before you hit it hard again.

2. Stay limber
Gentle stretching Opens a New Window. , such as an easy yoga Opens a New Window. class or some slow holding stretches may also help, but only if they don’t cause more pain than you’re already feeling. “I’d stay away from dynamic or aggressive stretching, and go carefully,” says Dalleck. Light foam rolling or even getting a massage may also be beneficial as both can increase blood flow to affected areas, but again only if they don’t increase the discomfort.

3. Drink up
“There’s been a lot of recent research on nutritional interventions to aid recovery,” Dalleck says. Antioxidants, such as those in pomegranates Opens a New Window. , cherries Opens a New Window. , and blueberries Opens a New Window. , and caffeine have been shown to help reduce inflammation and decrease recovery time. It’s not clear the dosage needed, but Dalleck says that taking in a bottle of antioxidant-rich juice or perhaps a cup of coffee, before or after your workout, may help. As an ultrarunner, he personally ups his antioxidant consumption for the week prior to racing (call it berry-loading?), and keeps it elevated for the week after.
What may be less important, according to recent research, are your electrolyte levels. So as long as you keep up your usual consumption of potassium-, magnesium-, calcium Opens a New Window. – and sodium-containing foods, you should be good there at least as far as muscle fever is concerned.

4. Try non-steroidal anti-inflammatories
Sometimes this fever needs a pill, too. Anti-inflammatory drugs such as ibuprofen can be a godsend to muscles Opens a New Window. that have been to hell and back, but the key is to take one pill (or maybe two). Don’t overdo the doses and pay attention to how you feel when the meds wear off. “Sometimes masking the pain can lead to worse injuries,” Dalleck says. “The symptom of pain can be a signal to our body to use caution.”

5. Call a doc
If the pain’s not getting better and has lasted a week or more, or if it’s localized to one area or side of your body and your workout Opens a New Window. was symmetrical (as in, you used your left and right side muscles equally), the pain you’re feeling could be a sign of injury Opens a New Window. . “In some unusual cases, the damage is so profound that it distresses your body into a condition called rhabdomyolysis,” Olsen says, in which the body’s muscles break down to such an extent that their cells flood in the bloodstream and can lead to kidney failure.

So there is that ^^^^ stuff above to deeply consider and also why the fuck was Christo, who was claimed to be an Aerobics Instructor, giving weights to this clueless customer when aerobics exercise is better suited?

It was a dumb move by them I say!


BUT ... I have a totally separate issue with this woman's diary ... HERE ...


Quote:Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I  purchased a week of personal training at the local health club.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

VERSUS ... what she details later on ...


Quote:SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over.  I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.  I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

So first she admits that SHE bought this crappy birthday present for herself  but then later on she is all like "Well I hope my husband gets me something good next year!" ... Where the hell was he on her birthday this year and what gift DID he give her (if any)?

It seems to me that she is blaming her husband for her birthday week exercise plans failing, through no fault of her own, when she should be criticizing Christo more for his lack of awareness and lack of educating a student to whats coming down the road at one painwise with DOMS etc. rather than just calling him Satan! ...

When she paid him to be her coach ... he is supposed to encourage you and to hunt you down when you don't turn up for Gym for fucks sake!

Sounds to me like she needs a right old good over the knee knickers down spanking by the Gym Coach and her husband ... so that she learns some respect!

Plus the hot hands of pain is sure to melt away any bum fat she might be carrying extra in her booty!






P.S. I'm going to have to call fake on this woman's diary as female diary's are very personal things and this just wouldn't be shared widely with anybody for fear of being labeled as a Fatty Bum Bum and or a quiter by others ... nor would her husband be amused as it directly implies he 1 didn't get her a birthday present this year that was worthy of mention in her diary and 2 that he is therefor somehow responsible for her own failures when it comes to her fitness regime!

The information contained in it would be good enough to somewhat track this person down!

Seems she might be American due to her cheerleader position as a young woman and by her use of language term club instead of Gymnasium and also by her drinking coffee [brits usually drink tea] ... therefor just ring every Gymnasium Club in the USA and ask for Christo and if that pays off then talking to Christo would soon and quickly identify who this slugworth of a woman really is.

She can hide behind her 1st person speak in her diary all she wants to but if its not a joke/hoax? ... Then it she has let too much cat out of the bag so to speak by releasing her diary to the press and could be easily exposed by somebody who had the desire and motive to do such profiling forensic investigative work.

After all she DID call Christo Satan and a vampire and he might not be as happy about that as when she called him a Greek God!

My summary judgement is ... I blame her for tossing her birthday money at the fitness problem rather than getting properly educated simply and ONLINE first!

Plus she could of just listened to Dr Rudi ... and eaten less!





Like how hard is it to google search for "bad outcomes of exercise"?

I also blame Christo for not educating her about DOMS when he should have known far better than he did and plus that shit of making her lift weights everyday was a stupid move!

And finally I blame her husband for not buying her a memorable gift for her birthday!

Therefore they all deserve to burn in hell forever unless they REPENT of their sinful ways!

@ Everybody minusculebeercheers
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#4
Come on @OmegaLogos, tell you how you really feel.   smallroflmao
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#5
I'd bend over all day for Diamonds.  tinyloveit
Once A Rogue, Always A Rogue!
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