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BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT
#1
Quote: BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
  FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!


[b]FREE PUPPIES
[/b] 
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.


FREE PUPPIES. 
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. 
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

 
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. 
Also 1 homosexual bull for sale.

 
JOINING NUDIST COLONY
Must sell washer and dryer £100.



[b]WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE ...
[/b] 
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie


[b]FOR SALE BY OWNER.
[/b] 
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.


[b]Statement of the Century
[/b]  
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.  "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

  >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Children Are Quick 
[b]______________________________ ______
[/b]
 
TEACHER: Why are you late?
[b]STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

______________________________ ______
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
______________________________ ____________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
______________________________ ______________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
______________________________ ____
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago
WINNIE: Me!
______________________________ ____________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
______________________________ _________
[/b]
______________________________
[b]TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.

Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
______________________________ ________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
[/b]
 
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
[b]______________________________ _____

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
______________________________ ____
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH
[/b]  
[i]Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off
[/i]
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#2
These gave me a giggle on a rainy Sunday morning!
Well done and thank you, Sky.
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