03-17-2020, 02:05 AM
COVID-19 Panic-demic Diary:
Day 1 of COVID-19 Panic-demic: The castle walls are now completed. The drawbridge is up, and alligators for the moat are being shipped in from Florida via next day air.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Day 2 of COVID-19 Panic-demic: I'm down to only 3 1/2 rolls of toilet paper, and the nearest store is seven miles away, a grueling journey through hostile territory. I'm now loading magazines for the trip, and in an hour or two when I'm through with that I shall wrap all of my remaining toilet paper around my head to prevent breathing in the virus while I am in transit. Cover me, I'm going in...
-----------------------------------------------------------
Day 4 of COVID-19 Panic-demic: After my successful return from the Great TP Raid of 3/20, I parked the semi-trailer load of TP I acquired under tree cover, and further covered it with a camouflage tarp to avoid detection from the air. Who knew that a tractor-trailer could plow through zombie hordes like that?
The alligators arrived, and have been installed in the moat. I had intended to flood the moat with hand sanitizer due to it's flammability and napalm-like consistency, but decided against it. I only have a few thousand gallons left, and cannot spare any for the moat if this thing continues for the 8 weeks predicted. Pity - not only would I have had a highly flammable moat, I would also have had the cleanest alligators in a five state radius.
I can't raid the neighbors' supplies of hand sanitizer without exposing myself to the COVID-19, so that is out. Additionally, most of them have stolen my idea to stock their own moats with alligators, doubling the danger. I expect that soon Florida, in addition to the TP and hand sanitizer shortages being experienced nation-wide, will be experiencing an alligator shortage if the panic-demic continues.
If the panic-demic extends beyond the projected 8 weeks, with some estimates going as far as two years into the future, I will have to dust off grandpa's old moonshine still and start replenishing my supply with home-made hand sanitizer.
The entire state of West Virginia is still experiencing a critical shortage of the COVID-19 virus, with no reported infections, much less deaths, state-wide. In order to rectify that concern, I understand there have been high level negotiations to directly air-drop the virus into that remote area with shipments straight from Wuhan, China, in order to bring them up to speed with the rest of the panicky nation.
Another problem for WV is the fact that most of their communications infrastructure is being provided by Frontier Communications, a sub-standard fly-by-night communications corporation. As a result, they are not getting the needed doses of pseudo-news required to instill the same degree of panic that the rest of the nation is experiencing.
Those folks are way too calm, and that has to be fixed...
-----------------------------------------------------------
More to come as the urgent Zombie Apocalypse Crisis unfolds.....
.
Day 1 of COVID-19 Panic-demic: The castle walls are now completed. The drawbridge is up, and alligators for the moat are being shipped in from Florida via next day air.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Day 2 of COVID-19 Panic-demic: I'm down to only 3 1/2 rolls of toilet paper, and the nearest store is seven miles away, a grueling journey through hostile territory. I'm now loading magazines for the trip, and in an hour or two when I'm through with that I shall wrap all of my remaining toilet paper around my head to prevent breathing in the virus while I am in transit. Cover me, I'm going in...
-----------------------------------------------------------
Day 4 of COVID-19 Panic-demic: After my successful return from the Great TP Raid of 3/20, I parked the semi-trailer load of TP I acquired under tree cover, and further covered it with a camouflage tarp to avoid detection from the air. Who knew that a tractor-trailer could plow through zombie hordes like that?
The alligators arrived, and have been installed in the moat. I had intended to flood the moat with hand sanitizer due to it's flammability and napalm-like consistency, but decided against it. I only have a few thousand gallons left, and cannot spare any for the moat if this thing continues for the 8 weeks predicted. Pity - not only would I have had a highly flammable moat, I would also have had the cleanest alligators in a five state radius.
I can't raid the neighbors' supplies of hand sanitizer without exposing myself to the COVID-19, so that is out. Additionally, most of them have stolen my idea to stock their own moats with alligators, doubling the danger. I expect that soon Florida, in addition to the TP and hand sanitizer shortages being experienced nation-wide, will be experiencing an alligator shortage if the panic-demic continues.
If the panic-demic extends beyond the projected 8 weeks, with some estimates going as far as two years into the future, I will have to dust off grandpa's old moonshine still and start replenishing my supply with home-made hand sanitizer.
The entire state of West Virginia is still experiencing a critical shortage of the COVID-19 virus, with no reported infections, much less deaths, state-wide. In order to rectify that concern, I understand there have been high level negotiations to directly air-drop the virus into that remote area with shipments straight from Wuhan, China, in order to bring them up to speed with the rest of the panicky nation.
Another problem for WV is the fact that most of their communications infrastructure is being provided by Frontier Communications, a sub-standard fly-by-night communications corporation. As a result, they are not getting the needed doses of pseudo-news required to instill the same degree of panic that the rest of the nation is experiencing.
Those folks are way too calm, and that has to be fixed...
-----------------------------------------------------------
More to come as the urgent Zombie Apocalypse Crisis unfolds.....
.
Diogenes was eating bread and lentils for supper. He was seen by the philosopher Aristippus, who lived comfortably by flattering the king.
Said Aristippus, ‘If you would learn to be subservient to the king you would not have to live on lentils.’ Said Diogenes, ‘Learn to live on lentils and you will not have to be subservient to the king.’
Said Aristippus, ‘If you would learn to be subservient to the king you would not have to live on lentils.’ Said Diogenes, ‘Learn to live on lentils and you will not have to be subservient to the king.’